Last week, my son Ryan and I stood on the porch and waved goodbye to our latest foster child. As soon as the car disappeared from sight, Ryan turned to me and said "I can't wait to see who's coming to live with us next!"
Years ago, when we announced to our extended families that we were going to be foster parents, there was a mixed reaction. Many parents that have their own biological children often worry about the impact that fostering will have on their kids. There are always people who make comments about the "negative exposure" your own children would have.
Your Obese Child Could Be Put Into Foster Care
I can tell you that our children have never questioned the idea of becoming a foster family. It’s as if they accept it as an obvious fact of their lives. Not once have they expressed jealousy if I'm rocking a baby to sleep; never once have I heard "but its MINE and THEY don't really live here" cross their lips. Every child that has come to stay with us - whether for a few days or a few months - has always been accepted unreservedly by our children no matter what their situation or painful history. We hear a constant "can they stay forever?" as opposed to "when are they going to leave?"
I must admit that there are times that I feel a little guilty because my time is spread thin. But fostering also allows me to spend more time at home with my own children so i can be there to watch them grow and take an active part in their lives, rather than running to an office every day.
When someone comes to stay with us, our children seem to understand the needs of the new foster child more quickly than I do. One timid 5-year-old girl arrived and quietly sat on our couch for a long time, even though I made an effort to encourage her to play. I was at a loss on what I should do after a while - until my daughter told me to leave them alone. An hour later, the two girls ran by me giggling and out to the backyard. I'll never know what was said between them - but it took the friendship and concern of another child to help that little girl cope with her feelings and feel at home. I owe my children a multitude of thanks for being able to see beyond the obvious and being able to make others feel loved and "at home" without a word from me.
This Childhood Relic Meant More To This Foster Child Than It Would Anyone Else
If you read my story about giving back my baby, you already know how hard it was to let our foster baby Katie go. But now, one year later, she is an energetic and happy toddler; completely content in her new home. I have become an "aunt" that comes to visit in which Katie has to endure endless hugging and affection. Admittedly, I DO get a small jolt in my heart when she cries "mama" and I know it’s not directed at me. But it’s just a small twinge - and is easily swallowed up by her obvious happiness and love for her new parents.
We've only been a foster family for a few years – and at times it can be frustrating and heartbreaking. You learn not to expect gratitude or relief from a child coming into your home. These children are angry, resentful and sad- even when leaving an abusive home – because that’s the only home they’ve ever known. But it is a lifestyle that has been rich with its own rewards as well. Seeing a child decorate their first Christmas tree; giving a child their first birthday party even though they’re already 8-years-old; seeing a toddler – terrified of men after too much abuse – finally reach up for a hug from my husband. These are the moments and the memories that make it all worthwhile.
I can see my children developing a deeper compassion for others. When they deal with difficult kids at school, they will often look for explanations as to why the child is acting that way. They know that each person has a story and reasons behind their behavior. And if a teacher asks my children how many siblings they have, they list and name many of their foster brothers and sisters that have come through our home. They understand that "family is who you love" rather than who you are born to.
And in the words of my son, I can't wait to see who's coming to live with us next.
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