Welcome to parenthood. We hope you enjoy the ride. It's basically like Space Mountain at Disney World - a rollercoaster in the dark full of surprise turns, screams, and fun.
If you're early on in the parent years, there's a lot of things that you don't know now that we'll tell you. You'll come to realize this is all true eventually.
And you're going to have to pretend for at least 18 years that you do. The parenting books cover about 3% of all possible issues and don't cover any of the things we really want (need) to know. They can't. A million monkeys with a million kids with a million typewriters might eventually write the complete book of parenting.
Among the thousands of scenarios I never educated myself to handle, in random order: 1) How to kill my sense of smell and/or dealing with the fartocalypse when I'm the parent of a boy. 2) Dealing with baby boy boners. Yes, it's real. 3) Consoling a child who is insulted cause other kids refer to him as "sir."
Or at least, you're going to have to develop a strong sense of patience with their humour.
Real conversation: Me: Go empty the dishwasher. Kid: Are you going to pay me? Me: No. Kid: I bet you only had a kid so you could have free labour.
Because sooner or later they're going to discover Minecraft and/or Pokemon. And nobody can be as interested in it as a 6 year-old can. Nobody.
Every. Single. One.
This chance goes to about 98% if you have a boy. It's natural. But yes, this never showed up in the fantasy conversations we had with our future kids before actual parenthood.
And you'll stealth into the shadows to sneak them.
It's an awesome way to get 30 minutes to yourself.
Also, no matter how much you pack, you're going to forget something.
Parenthood makes nerds of all of us, especially when the kids get into something you don't want them to get into.