10 Reasons I’m Not Excited About Back-to-School

School doesn’t start until September 8^th for us, so we still have a bit of summer stretched out between now and then, a lot of pools to relax beside and watermelons to eat. We are in no back-to-school rush here. But I know it’s coming because every time I log into Facebook I see happy back-to-school pictures reminding me that our day is coming soon.

The truth is - I am not excited about back-to-school. Not even a little bit. And I have 10 good reasons why.

1. Lunches. Does anyone like making school lunches? Search Pinterest all you want but I triple dog dare you to find something that all your kids will eat and you can pull together before you’ve finished your first cup of coffee. I don’t believe that it is possible.
2. Screen Time. We were at screen addiction levels in the spring. The only choice was cold turkey. I even cancelled Netflix for criminy sake. After two months my kids have finally stopped asking to watch a movie. At our schools every student has their own iPad, and if it rains or is too hot or too cold to go outside at recess the kids watch movies. I know, 21^st century learning, it’s so important for our kids, blah, blah, blah… I say no to school screens.     
3. Nuts. The kids and I have been through three Costco vats of peanut butter so far this summer. I’ve taught my kids to eat it with a spoon right out of the jar. I’m so proud. If I leave the container on the counter the kids can help themselves, eliminating me from the snack requirements. It’s genius. Then there is the delicious peanut butter banana loaf we’ve been making, and the almond flour blueberry lemon bread. When school starts no more nuts for us. Humph.
4. Laundry. Most days we go from pajamas to bathing suits then back to pajamas - usually the same pajamas. My laundry requirements are minimal. When school starts it’ll be laundry all the time. “Mom, where are my black capris? Didn’t you wash them yet?”
5. Social Anxiety. I am sure someone somewhere has written a book called “I succeed in life because I learned how to get along with everyone on the playground” but I don’t want to read it. I have empathetic kids and conflict stresses them out, and that stresses me out. It’s not just conflicts that they are involved in; my kids get even more stressed when the kids around them can’t get along. Playground conflicts are almost always about some kid not wanting to be it.  Can we outlaw all games that require a kid to be it?
6. Family Time. We are work-at-home parents with the flexibility to do fun family stuff any time we’d like. Blueberry picking on a Wednesday morning, sure. Go to the beach midweek to avoid the crowds, absolutely. When school starts we’re back to evenings and weekends, with everybody else.  
7. Activities:

The phone rings.

“This is Mom’s Taxi Service. Please leave a message and I will-“

Kid #1: “Mom, I have girl guides Tuesday at 7. OK?”

Kid #2: “I have soccer practice on Tuesday.”

Kid #1: “Did you sign me up for art class yet?”

Kid #2: “How come she gets to go to art class?”

Mom’s taxi dispatch: “WRONG NUMBER.”

8. Creative Time. Oh, the crafts we have done. Also, the messes we’ve made. Happy creative messes don’t happen at school. Because what kind of teacher in her right mind would let a kid submerge their hand in mod podge just so they can peel off the dried glue. You might be thinking “What kind of mother in her right mind would do that?” The answer is me. Not surprisingly we’ve run out of mod podge now. But I am hopeful that my kids will come up with another messy creative activity in short order.
9. Pets. Who’s going to pet the cats 1400 times? And let them in and out every half hour? It’s not going to be me. I execute my cat love when I scoop cat shit out of the litter boxes.
10. Alarm Clock. I just can’t… I mean, gah. No, thank you.

Although...the peace and quiet that comes from two kids at school all day could make me change my mind.

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