This Instagram Dad Doesn't Pull Any Punches on the Truth About Parenting

Meet UK dad Siman Hooper. He has a thousand yard parenting stare, and for good reason. He has four daughters: aged 9, 6, and 10 month old twins.

Simon decided to start up an Instagram account about his life with four daughters and his wife, Clementine - a no-holds-barred perspective on parenting that is as hilarious as it is honest. 

"Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'."

 

Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space - but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 23, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

Simon covers it all, from teething, to birthdays, to joy, to letting his brains leak out of his ears trying to cope with twin infants on his lonesome.

"The neighbours must have thought I was skinning cats with a wooden spoon at 3.30am - the noise was endless - the kind of noise that cuts through you & drains you of any memory of who you are or what you're doing until your brain dribbles out you ear."

 

Well that was fun. @mother_of_daughters is away with the eldest 2 so I have the twins. Delilah was up & down last night more than a yoyo who'd necked a crate of redbull. As a dad, I usually have inbuilt noise cancelling and can sleep through an thrash metal gig but last night was something else. The neighbours must have thought I was skinning cats with a wooden spoon at 3.30am - the noise was endless - the kind of noise that cuts through you & drains you of any memory of who you are or what you're doing until your brain dribbles out you ear. They seem to have forgotten the whole experience and moved on. I'll just scoop up my eye bags so they don't drag on the floor. To top it all, the car is broken so I can't get to my brother's birthday. A shocker of a day so far. #brainonthefloor #alongwiththeeyebags #brokencar #twins #comehomeplease #parenting #fatherofdaughter #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 20, 2016 at 3:42am PST

 

Simon, who is an operations director for a consultancy firm based out of the U.S., also says he's a "a handy man, taxi driver, swimming instructor, tutor, chef, counsellor, human climbing frame, bank, personal shopper and PA." He says his Instagram account is to show a more realistic view of what parenting is like, and says "There is way too much sugarcoating when it comes to parents, so I wanted to share what it’s really like and provide a bit of humor at the same time."

When he's not relating his experience with helping new dads find things in the baby aisle or his tendancy to get in trouble for using his "dad fashion sense" to dress the twins, he also takes a humorous look at life with an adult member of the opposite gender.

 

Being a guy surrounded by 5 women, I learn new things about the other sex all the time, but I recently has my man mind blown. @mother_of_daughters & I were out and I complimented her on her shirt. Little did I know, IT WAS A FAKE shirt that you wear under a jumper!!! When did women start wearing these & why?!! My whole world is falling apart - I can't trust anything anymore! Also, why are women's buttons on the other side of the shirt? I felt as clumsy as a drunk bear with frostbite while doing this thing up. (now, I just have to explain to my wife why I put this on and took a photo ASAP before she thinks I'm going through a 'change' and that my name is actually Simone at the weekend). #noimnotbeingachippendale #ifindthissostrange #womensfashion #fakeshirt #why #mindblown #fatherofdaughter #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 2, 2016 at 1:31pm PDT

Follow Simon Hooper’s Instagram for more unvarnished honesty about parenthood and cohabiting with the women in his life.

 

Should I get offended that when I'm in charge of dressing the girls, instead of being given free rein to 'get creative' and use my couture fashion eye to create a 'wow' outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn't count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, i cant tell them apart for the rest if the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I'll get it right one day! #daddressing #twins #dontdressthemthesame #theylovechewingshoes #icandressachild #badly #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 3, 2016 at 2:18pm PDT

 

Why does bathtime always involve cramming as many family members into one of the smallest rooms in the house at the same time? I guess the eldest 2 like it as it's like a cheap version of the sea life centre. They get to watch these weird pink slippery things splash about and generally contort themselves out of these chairs while sucking the life out of some sponges. Clemmie and I are there just play life guards and crowd control. I should charge admission. Just avoid the dirty nappies at the door and the water EVERYWHERE. Actually, forget it - Health and safety would definitely shut us done. #waterstaysinthebathgirls #bathtime #sealifecentreathome #cheapentertainment #twins #mygirls #theyneverstayinthesechairs #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 3, 2016 at 1:11pm PDT

 

Teething is now in full effect and the girls want us to know all about it. An email would have sufficed but it seems they'd rather use their voices to get the message across that they really aren't enjoying this stage of development. Its not straight screaming, it's more like the sound a wounded animal might make that just wants to end it all. I can't blame them though, it's like a mini scene from 'Alien' in there at the moment, just in very very slow motion (and of course teeth don't then go on to kill you and the crew of your ship so a few subtle differences but essentially the same). #canyoubulkbuybonjela #teethinglikealien #twins #thisisntfunforanyone #doubleteethingisnotdoublethefun #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #daddydentist

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 21, 2016 at 1:06pm PDT

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