March 07, 2010

Week #15 of the Six Month Sex Challenge: New moms probably aren’t suffering from low libido, so ‘cures’ to help low libido aren’t going to work.

Lesson I learned from last week: Porn can be a fun once in a while treat…I just have to find some porn that I like…

Where Did My Sex Drive Go?
Every single piece of my clothing is covered in snot, spit up and drool. My two kids are sick this week which means that they neither are sleeping at night and both have diarrhea. (I’m sick too but that’s irrelevant.) The last time I got four hours of straight sleep was 2007.

Throughout my day, I’m simultaneously trying to meet work deadlines and keep my toddler from clobbering my 5 month old. Doing 1001 mind numbing tiny chores that once accomplished, need to be done again the next day. Even though I’m back to my regular weight, I can barely look at myself naked in the mirror.

At night my husband and I sit at the dinner table, trying to make conversation—and sometimes we do—but mostly we’re too busy accommodating the children’s demand for attention. There’s always someone screaming, barking (my dogs), crying, fussing, or needing to be breastfed.

Finding time to have sex, some weeks, is the act of sorting out an intricate puzzle of four people’s diverse itineraries. My husband said to me this morning, “I wonder if Tiger Woods understood how difficult it is to have sex with two little kids. Maybe that’s why he cheated.” Nice!?!?

The thing is, this week is the norm and not the exception.

Is There a Magic Sex Pill?
It makes sense then that many new moms feel they have a low libido and search for a ‘magic pill’ to help get them feeling sexual and sexy. In fact, every year millions of women spend billions of dollars on spurious libido enhancement pills, creams and other unproven treatments.

If you’re a new mom two things:
(1)    You, most likely, aren’t suffering from a low libido, rather an overload of everything else.
(2)    To date there is nothing on the market that has been FDA approved that will help a woman to feel sexual.  A new drug called Flibanserin shows promise, but still it hasn’t been FDA approved.

After seeing bogus libido product after bogus libido product on the market, I got a press release for Zestra (*see product description below). After looking at their website I thought, “What the heck, I’ll give it a go. See if it really does get my girly-parts all perky and ready for sex.”

My thoughts on Zestra
Zestra was tough to review. On the plus side, the “Essential Arousal Oils” are all natural (i.e. Primrose Oil, etc.) unlike some similar products on the market. It did produce a lovely warm and tingly effect that lasted for 45 minutes. However, it didn’t help to get me more in the mood; nor did it make it easier to achieve a clitoral or vaginal orgasm (as its advertising alludes).

Verdict: It’s a nice product that can give your vulva a happy little ‘pick-me-up’ boost. And sometimes in a hectic day, that’s a good thing.

My Husband’s thoughts on Zestra
There really wasn’t anything for him to say about the product. He apparently didn’t feel the same warm, tingly sensation even though there skin to skin contact.

* Zestra is a safe, patented blend of botanicals oils and extracts, created to help women feel more — effortlessly. Topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch – for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects – the Zestra Rush™ – begin for most women within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.

Labels/Tags: week #15, six month sex challenge, zestra, libido, low libido, sex drive, essential arousal oils,

Posted by TrinaR at 11:05:03 View Comments | Click Here to Comment

February 28, 2010

Week #14 of the Six Month Sex Challenge: A little porn can add a lot of spice…it’s finding the right porn to suit your taste and values.

Lesson I learned from last week: Even though get my fill of intimacy with interactions from my children, it’s important I keep a solid intimate connection with my husband. And making that connection is so much fun.

To end the “All-about-my husband’s-Valentine-month-Sexpalooza”, I decided to give him a little porn treat. Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge, is a porn spoof of the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s a four disk “collectors” set and has received a lot of positive hype.

Oh Those Crazy University Days
When I was in university, my male roommate published a swinger magazine. Part of his magazine’s editorial was reviewing porn; so there was always a porn movie on at the house.

(Once I came home to find two naked women wrestling in vegetable oil on my kitchen floor who were being photographed for the mag’s cover shot. All I could say to my roommate was, “I hope you’re going to clean this up!”) That time in my life seems so surreal now.

Watching that much porn then and during graduate school makes me rather ho-hum about it. Viewing a porn with my husband hasn’t been that exciting (for him) because instead of me getting all hot and bothered, I’m too busy commenting on other things—like lighting quality, set construction and whether actors are wearing condoms.

Porn…what a touchy topic with women
Feminists (loudly) proclaim that porn degrades women and uses them as objects only for the pleasure of men. Too many women automatically give a thumbs-down to watching a porn flick without trying it out for themselves.

What do women porn actors think?
While attending graduate school, some of my classmates were former porn actors. I’ve also spoken at sex trade shows and have met my share of porn leading ladies (and men). Every single one of these women in no way feel exploited. They, in fact, think they are the true feminist because they are able to express their sexuality as they want and aren’t suppressed by society’s narrow definition of what is appropriate sexual conduct.

Porn Pros and Cons
Admittedly, there are some not so great things about porn that the media tends to obsess about. Yes, porn—especially internet porn—can have detrimental effects for males who show obsessive compulsive tendencies. Yes, there is some hardcore stuff out there. Yes, porn tends to be male-centric.

However, there are also a lot of good things to be said about porn. And for the majority of the population, a little soft porn can add a bit of spice and fun to your sex life. More and more, porn producers realize there is a solid market of women who like to watch porn.

So, perhaps it’s time to try porn. If you try it and don’t like it, fine. But at least give it a couple of, heartfelt, tries. You might be surprised that it turns into a fun once-in-a-while treat for you and your partner.

My Rating on Pirates’ Porn
With all the hype surrounding Pirates 2, I was disappointed. On the positive side, it’s the best ‘movie’ porn I’ve seen—the acting is so-so, but come on it’s a porn flick. There’s a strong story line, drama and some pretty funny one-liners. But when it got into the sex scenes, I must confess it wasn’t my cup of tea. The sex was too edgy, very male-centric.

Sigh. I really wanted to recommend a good porn for women to watch but this wouldn’t be it. I promise to look around and find something better. Stay tuned—I will find something before the end of this Six Month Sex Challenge.

My Husband’s Rating on Pirate’s Porn
Two ratings again this week. 7.5/ 10 for it being a, “movie with sex scenes” with great special effects. 5/10 for the sex scenes. He felt it was “jack rabbit sex” and the actors were way over the top enthusiastic during sex. He much prefers porn where there is a connection between the actors and the sex is more sensual. (Ya’ see ladies, guys aren’t automatically turned-on by big breasted, skinny-arsed naked women having sex on a screen.)

Labels/Tags: week #14, six month sex challenge, porn, Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge, Pirates of the Carabbean,

Posted by TrinaR at 12:51:49 View Comments | Click Here to Comment

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