I don’t actually buy anything. I just look.
And looking is harmless, right? At least I think it is.
I am talking about online shopping. Or, in my case, online ‘window shopping.’
Since becoming a mom, real life shopping has become hell.
Our baby, who is now actually more of a toddler than a baby, has the attention span of a fruit fly and the tree-swinging energy of a Capuchin monkey.
Do you have any idea what it’s like trying to strap a baby with the temperament of a Capuchin monkey into a stroller? Does that sound like a good time to you? I assure you, it is not.
So, that is our sweet boy: A blend of monkey and fruit fly.
Needless to say buying nice things is no longer a leisurely pastime. Forget ‘want,’ making purchases now is only ever about need.
And there is a big difference.
Take today, for instance.
We needed a) milk (his) b) Cheerios (his) and c) Dried fruit (mostly his).
It takes approximately 10 minutes to get to the store. We made it five before he started kicking, shrieking and writhing in the stroller. I gave him a cracker. Yeah, that calmed the beast for a whole three seconds.
Then I gave him half my sandwich (hey when a wild animal is screaming at you, I don’t care who you are, you’re going to give him the sandwich).
That allowed enough time to buzz around the shop and, in less than three minutes, get everything on our list, frazzled, flushed and frantic. Fun! Fun! Fun!
At the cash, he ran out of sandwich. I’ll just allow you to imagine how that turned out.
Seriously enduring a bikini wax sounds way more enjoyable, if you ask me.
So what this all means is that I’d rather be a character trapped inside a horrifying Rob Zombie flick than go shopping with our son.
Beyond that it means that I rarely get anything that I need or want for myself (such as the pair of fall boots that I really need and want at the moment).
So that’s where online shopping comes in.
It was invented for people just like me. I love loading up the imaginary carts and shopping in peace while our son sleeps. It’s like being a kid all over again and playing make believe.
Sadly, that’s where the love affair ends — I never actually get to the virtual checkout counter. I just can’t commit for some reason.
But this week, I plan on changing that. Not only do I plan on perusing fall boots online and choosing a pair, I also plan to order them.
That’s JUST the kind of rebel I am.
Fingers crossed. The next time you hear from me, I might actually have fresh, fall footwear to boast about (as long as the shipping’s free, that is).