“Which teachers do I give an end-of-year gift to?” is the nightmare parent equivalent of “Who do I tip at a salon?”
My older son has a class teacher, a music teacher, an art teacher, a french teacher, and an educational assistant who helps out in the class. My younger son has his class teacher, a student teacher, and a gym teacher.
Let us not forget the crossing guards who help them get across the streets safely.
That’s nine individuals who help educate my boys. If I were to buy each of them a $10 gift card for coffee, that’s $90. And as much as I’d like to purchase every teacher a gift because they do a job I could never do in a million years, it’s not in our budget.
So what’s the etiquette?
Are end-of-year gifts mandatory?
No. But it’s a nice way to show appreciation to your child’s teacher. You know how sometimes you do a happy dance as you send your children off to school knowing that you won’t have to listen to fighting for another six hours?
Your child’s teacher doesn’t have that option. The fact that she shows up every day means you should actually be throwing her a parade and naming a holiday or your first born after her. Since that’s not going to happen, a small token of your appreciation would be nice.
Are you supposed to give gifts to all of the teachers?
The short answer is no. If you are going to give a gift, give it to the teacher your child spends the most time with and/or if your child has a special relationship with a teacher or a teacher has really gone out of his or her way to do something for your child.
Can you give to only one and not the rest?
Yes. This isn’t about being even-steven. However, a short note thanking the other teachers for their work throughout the school year would go a long way. Who doesn't like to be told they made a difference?
How much are you supposed to spend?
There is no set amount and it is all dependent on your budget. Anything goes–from a hand written card to a bottle of wine–there are hundreds of options for a gift that will be appreciated but won’t break your bank account.
Anything but coffee mugs. Pretty sure there are no teachers who need yet another #1 Teacher mug.
Dear Son,
I knew this would come up sooner or later in your life. You've reached a point where friendships are based on so much more than a love of lego or because your parents set up a playdate based on who they like. So, this is in answer to your question about what makes a good friend.
Your friends are the people who make your heart happy. They lift you up when you’re feeling down, they care about your feelings. Your good friends will never make you feel uneasy or on edge. You’ll know where you stand with them at all times because they’ll tell you.
Good friends accept you for who you are. They don’t love you in spite of your secrets; they just don’t think your secrets are that big a deal. Those secrets are a part of what makes you “you”—and good friends will never share those secrets with anyone.
Good friends take the good with the bad. We all have our bright, shiny parts we show to the world but you will allow good friends to see your scruff marks and darker sides. Good friends accept the whole package.
Good friends don’t call on you simply when they need something. They are a part of your life. This doesn’t mean you have to speak to them every day. You’ll have every day friends, long-term friends, meet-up-a-few-times-a-year friends, they are all special to your life in a unique way.
Good friends will support you in your endeavours but they will also question you if they feel you may be putting yourself in harm’s way.
Good friends will never talk about you behind your back, and if you continually hear a friend talking about others when they aren’t around, you may want to reconsider your friendship because chances are they are speaking about you when you’re not around as well.
Some people say a good friend feels comfortable enough to help himself to food from your fridge but I disagree. Your friends were all raised in different environments and if you follow the fridge test you may be throwing away a good friend who is simply polite and waiting for you to offer a drink.
Good friends will never let a disagreement fester. They will want to work out any problems right away—it goes back to how good friends will never make you feel uneasy or on edge.
Your good friends will stick up for you even in difficult situations. They will stand beside you when the seas in your life become rough. And if they don’t? That is your time to be a good friend and ask them why. Because sometimes people just don’t know how to deal with certain situations and good friends don’t cut off ties for one mistake.
Which brings me to this:
After reading this, I want you to ask yourself, “Am I being this kind of friend to my friends.”
Because ultimately we can’t control how other people treat us but we can control how we treat other people and I hope you’ll always be the best friend you can be.
Love,
Mom
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