Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
That's kinda my motherhood tagline because you have to be prepared for just about anything when you're a mom. In a way, being a mother is a bit like being an airplane pilot. Most of the time things are going smoothly, you hit the autopilot button and may even take the time to sit back, relax and chit chat with your co-pilot and a few flight attendants. But then you hit turbulence or one of the props stops working and that's when you realize why you get paid the big bucks. It's not for the sunny days with smooth landings, it's for when the shit hits the fan.
Or a goose flies into your engine. Either/or.
Anyway, my point is, weird stuff crops up when you're a parent. Kids do dumb things, plain and simple. It's the whole reason we had to make up the "No sticking anything in any orifices rule".
My kids are no exception and quite frankly, this past week was a testament to my patience and ability to (a) get over near heart attacks (b) not freak out over a little permanent marker.
Last week I was going to bed and doing my usual. Get a glass of water, grab my book, go to the boys' rooms to do a final tuck and give them a kiss. The kids had been in bed for over an hour but as I walked down the hall, I noticed Son No. 1's light on and when I peered through the door I stopped dead in my tracks, there he was..... LYING SPREAD EAGLE ON THE FLOOR NOT MOVING AND NOT BLINKING. I said his name loudly. Nothing. Heart pounding, I moved forward while saying his name again even more loudly, getting ready to start CPR. Which is when he looked up at me and smiled.
When asked about the death imitation, it turned out he just felt like laying really really still on his floor.
And yes, I did want to throttle him.
I was speaking at a conference this week and spent one night at a hotel. Apparently while I was away, the boys got a hold of a permanent marker. When I got home the next night, I noticed Son No. 1 had what looked like a chain drawn around his neck and an earring on his ear. Son No. 2 only had a large blot under his armpit.
Or so I thought.
Apparently there were also happy faces using certain body parts as the nose involved.
I was supposed to go running today. I ate the icing off of two cupcakes instead.
Sometimes a pilot needs a snack to keep going."