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Be Careful Who You Shake Hands With at Work

39% of people are masturbating at work

sitting on toilet

In the "I thought nothing could surprise me anymore" category I came across this article today at Time Out New York. Staff writer Jillian Anthony did an informal poll through her social media channels and it turns out 39% of people are masturbating at work. 


The reasons for the secret ‘cleaning out the account’ sessions ran the gamut from stress relief and curing a hangover to just general randiness.

I’m all about multitasking but I have a hard enough time fitting in my regular work into my workday gig without adding in a menage a mois. Where do these people find the time? And where are they doing it?   

It turns out privacy isn’t necessarily an issue. While some people had single-use bathrooms to free willy, there was one responder who wasn’t opposed to doing it in a public stall. Apparently, he’s quite quiet. 

There are 15 full-time staff at YMC so that means (grabs calculator) there are potentially six of us who are masturbating at some point during the workday which now makes me wonder about everyone who has to put the phone on mute when we have our weekly meetings.  

It turns out there may be benefits to masturbating daily (although, seriously? The bathroom stall?) including promoting a better body image (for women), improved sperm quality (for men), and lowering your cortisol levels (for both).

I get that all work and no play makes us boring and that many of us want to go the extra mile for our jobs. But maybe it’s best to keep your communing with nature sessions for at home. 

In the meantime, please use this hand sanitizer before we shake hands. 

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