Sharon DeVellis: Inside Scoop


You Don’t Need to Bleach Your A**hole to Keep Up With The Joneses

I'm 100% Certain They Don't Care

Skin bleaching

Just this morning we received a cheeky pitch from a company that makes and sells skin whitening cream for the intimate areas of your body that include, but are not limited to, (and this is taken directly from the website:)

Anal Skin
Penile Skin
Vaginal Skin

The email continued on to say they were looking for a little exposure (well played, bleach company, well played) and the pitch even included potential working titles like: 

Keeping up with the Jones: Why so many women are bleaching to look better.

I don't like to make 'ass'umptions about anyone. I’m a ‘you do it your way, I’ll do it my way” kind of gal. You want to wear a corset to the gym? More power to you. You look like a Victoria Secrets model three days after giving birth?  I applaud you because god only knows I was knee deep in a bin of chocolate eating my way through my feelings at that point. 

Last year I had to see my doctor because I had a mole on the inside of my bum cheek. Let me tell you, THAT’s an appointment you never want to make. My mind went right to, OMG-what-if it’s-cancer-this-is-one-of-the-worst-places-to-have-a-mole-ever. As I was ass-end up on the table trying to get to the bottom of my mole issue my doctor jokingly asked how I found it. The explanation included (a) my husband and (b) me then trying to be a contortionist with a mirror to see what was going on. 

While I was contorting it never once crossed my mind to check to see if my a**hole needed bleaching. Mind you, I was distracted with other issues at the time but I can, without a doubt, honestly say that in my entire life this is not something that has popped into my head once. Not once. So now I’m just going to straight out and say this in the off chance it actually needs to be said out loud. 

Unless you are in an industry where your a**hole, or scrotum, or vagina, or penis, would be viewed by many people and it’s important for you to keep up appearances, then bleach away.  Or if you just feel the need to do it for yourself, then make that choice that works for you. But I will say that in my 47 years of living, experience has taught me that most men in the midst of having sex will not be focused on the colour of your a**hole. Just my thoughts on this particular subject. 

So no, you don’t need to bleach you’re a**hole to keep up with the Joneses. In fact, I will go so far as to say, I’m pretty sure the Joneses don't care about your a**hole. 

And if they do, it might be time to move to a new neighbourhood.

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