We see you struggling with your toddler in the store. She’s having a meltdown in the candy aisle and you’re on the cusp of tears.
You look over and there we are with our lanky teens, mature tweens, and school-aged kids who actually help us push the cart and you think how lucky we are to be past this tantruming stage.
And in a way we are but there is some truth to the old adage “Bigger kids, bigger problems.”
So when we smile at you and say something that sounds trite like “Enjoy this time, it goes by so fast” and you want to punch us in the neck because you’re in the middle of handling an epic meltdown and time actually seems to be standing still as you face the glares of other shoppers….we’re not trying to be an asshole. We really are trying to help.
Also, we forget. Parenting can do that to you. You remember the tantrums and the frustration of a little child whose go to phrase “I do, mummy” makes you clench your stomach so you don’t lose your shit because you know “I do” means it’s going to take 17 minutes to zip up his zipper.
But it’s like the pain of childbirth, we remember but we don’t remember the ‘actual’ pain, just that it hurt. Because if we remembered the actual pain we wouldn’t ever have kids again and the human race would die out. It’s the same thing with toddler tantrums. We remember it was terrible and the frustration it caused but we can’t put ourselves back at that place and time and, quite frankly, why would we? Masochists, we are not.
Also perspective allows us to look back and laugh at the ridiculousness of having to drag a toddler through a snowstorm while he yells “I hate you, you fucken” because he didn’t want to walk home after school (true story). I’ve never forgotten how that particular episode caused me to (1) call my husband at work and tell him he better not be so much as .06 seconds late coming home and (2) drink an entire bottle of wine. But I'm also able to laugh at it now instead of locking myself in a bathroom wondering how I became such a terrible mother.
So we say stuff to you like “this too shall pass” and “cherish this time, it goes by quickly” not because we’re trying to be assh*les or diminish what you’re going through, but to give you hope. Because you will get through this and it will pass.
And the next thing you know you’re lying awake at midnight because your teen is out with friends you barely know, driving in a vehicle with a license he just earned three weeks ago, and you just want him to make it home safely.
The time goes by quicker than you think.
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