When was the last time you set aside a day just for you? If you’re like most of us, your answer is probably something like: “…Um….well…hmmm…good question…but, I don’t really have time to think about this right now, soccer practice starts in 20 minutes.”
The sad truth is many of us forsake our own ‘life’ for the lives of our kids, spouses, and relatives—because it’s easier to put everyone else first than to demand time to ourselves.
We tend to think: Balance? Yeah right!
That’s exactly why Carly Cooper wrote her book: Balance the Mother Load: R.E.I.N.V.E.N.T. Your Life in Just 8 Weeks. She had been working as a life coach for moms for about four years and she kept hearing the same things over and over again: “I don’t know who I am.” “I feel guilty asking for time to myself.” “My relationships are falling apart.”
Sound familiar?
Carly has a son, a husband, a dog, and a business and she knows how hard it can be to balance a busy life. But, she’s making it work! And, through her easy-to-read and hilarious manual for surviving life as a mom, she’s sharing practical tips, strategies, and techniques we can all benefit from.
I was lucky enough to work as Carly’s editor and while I read her manuscript for grammar and style I also learned a lot about balance, what it actually means to put myself first, and how I can realistically make more time for me. Last month, Carly’s book was released by Balboa Press and I sat down with her to chat about balance, reinvention, and how she finds happiness in her life.
What inspired you to write this book?
CC: It took me a while to get pregnant, so when I finally had my son I appreciated and loved him so intensely. He became my primary focus. But, when he was six-months-old I started to feel burnt out. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was feeling restless. I wanted a career. I wanted my independence. But I felt guilty for wanting all these things.
When I started looking around for support—I couldn’t find it. My husband and family were amazing, but they were all so invested in my life that they couldn’t offer objective opinions. Being a self-help junkie I got myself out of this rut by reading. Then I decided to take a certification course to become a life coach.
Shortly after I started working with moms, I developed the R.E.I.N.V.E.N.T. System™: a way for moms to start paying attention to their own wellbeing and happiness and making themselves a priority. This book is a culmination of all my years of coaching, plus my own experiences as a mom.
I am the mom who I wrote this book for.
So, what’s a life coach for moms anyway?
The main difference between a life coach and your best friend is, I offer an objective, unbiased perspective. It doesn’t matter to me what you’ve done in the past. I listen to what you’re telling me right now. I hear what you’re saying—and what you’re not saying—and I help you move forward. These coaching sessions are all about you. But, I don’t just let you wallow and vent for hours—I call it like I see it.
Your book is part workbook, part story. How do you recommend people read it?
CC: Read it. Take it in. Journal about it. Share it with other moms. Use the questions and exercises provided at the end of each chapter to really help you think about your life: What do you want? What don’t you want? Have these important conversations with yourself. By the last page you’ll be much closer to becoming the best woman and mom you can be, by learning to have more freedom, more sanity, and more time to enjoy it all.
Do you really think BALANCE is possible?
CC: Yes totally! But, we have to redefine balance. We expect to be able to work, spend quality time with our kids, exercise, be good to our husbands and our friends, attend every soccer practice, and get it all right, all the time. We really have to be realistic about balance and willing to do the work to achieve that balance. That means saying no, delegating tasks, learning to be okay with making choices, and letting go of guilt.
When life gets crazy, what do you do to cheer yourself up?
CC: The first thing I try to do is gain perspective. Sometimes I find myself focusing on all the things I don’t have yet. Most of us are trying to chase happiness—searching for it through material possessions and other people. That’s part of our culture and it’s hard to totally get away from that. But, when I find myself getting caught up in those types of thoughts I try to focus on what I already have. I make a point of looking around me and focusing on gratitude. It’s not always easy—but it really helps!
Describe your Happy Place.
I’m on a beach—probably in Hawaii. It’s a tranquil, white sand beach, surrounded by flowers and the crystal blue ocean. Whenever I need to mentally escape, I close my eyes and picture that beach. I hear the waves, smell the flowers, and feel the breeze. And, while I really do love my family—I’m alone on this beach! Because, for me, happiness and calm go hand-in-hand
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