Wouldn’t life be grand if we were surrounded by sunshine and puppy dogs all the time? If we all lived with a soundtrack of positivity memes floating around in our head maybe we would all be in an eternal state of bliss? Maybe?
Life doesn’t work like that.
Sometimes life is shit. Let’s face it. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to see the rainbow all you can see are the clouds.
In order to appreciate the good parts of life you have to experience the bad.
Part of my job as a parent is to help my children learn to handle some of the not-so-pleasant parts of life. The best way to learn how to overcome some of life’s obstacles is to face them. Once you realize that something won’t actually kill you, it becomes less scary. Once you become less afraid the world opens up.
As hard as it will be for me to watch, my kids have to struggle. They have to fall down so that they can learn to get back up.
I’ve learned my most important, most resonating life lessons from some of the toughest struggles that I’ve survived.
My first major heartbreak felt debilitating in the moment. I cried what felt like a lifetime of tears. After it was all over and I had ended that chapter of my life, I gained an immense amount of strength. It taught me what I wanted out of life and what I deserved in a partner. It taught me never to settle. Heartbreak isn’t pleasant, but once my kids experience it for the first time, they will never be afraid to leave a situation in which they aren’t happy.
I grew up feeling as though I had to be the best at everything. It was exhausting! In grade 9 I failed math. I FAILED! I failed, and my world didn’t explode. I have still moved on to be somewhat successful, even though I had to take grade 9 algebra more than once. We aren’t all good at everything, and that’s okay. My kids should learn to find their passion and to give it their all, but they should also be okay when they just aren’t great at something. Failure can help you become resilient, work hard and find your path. My children won’t know the satisfaction of success unless they have felt the sting of failure.
When I didn’t make the basketball team, when a boy didn’t like me, and even now as an adult when I write something that others think is terrible. It’s all rejection. Each time it stings. Each time I pick myself up and try again. This week I attended a conference where I heard a quote that is really sitting with me: “If you need to be liked, you are weak.” I have spent way too many years needing to be liked. I hope my kids can learn to follow their heart and not give a fig what people think of them.
One of the lessons I have taken away from some of my own difficult life moments is that the source of so many issues is lack of communication. Relationships with friends, family members and romantic partners have been permanently damaged because one of us wasn’t willing or able to talk about what was bothering us. I want my kids to learn to talk about what has hurt them or made them angry. That sounds much easier than it is. It can be uncomfortable and awkward at best. But guess what? Each time they do it, it will become much easier.
Facing the struggles in life can be debilitating when you are in them. It can often feel as though your world is ending. Yet it’s overcoming these struggles, getting back up when you’ve fallen, that help make you happy and successful.
Someone recently told me that this generation of children are going to be the first generation who don’t do better than their parents. I disagree. If I can help my kids find their strength, to never be afraid of following their hearts, and to try again if they aren’t happy with the path their lives have taken, then I think they will be a true success.
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