First things first. Do you know Charlie Glickman? If not, I highly recommend you hightail it over to his corner of the Internet (after you read this post of course). His thoughts on sex-positivity, inclusively and how to be an overall nice person are kind of brilliant.
Earlier this week, Charlie and were discussing microaggression. Microaggressions are little indignities that people experience, which convey a negative or oppressive attitude.They're subtle and sometimes unintentional but over time, the cumulative effect of repeated acts of microaggression can be as harmful as one major emotional assault.
Charlie and I were mulling over these sobering thoughts when we — well mostly he —- came up with the idea of microacceptance. If a series of minor oppressive experiences can do great harm over time, perhaps a series of positive, affirming experiences will do the opposite. Microacceptances are small simple ways of letting someone know we respect, value and love them as they are. Like microaggression, over time microacceptance can have a profound effect on a person's emotional well being, except, you know...in a good way.
I have to admit, I'm very intrigued by this idea, particularly as it applies to creating a sex-positive home. How can I practice microacceptance as a parent, as a partner and for myself? What might it look like?
As a parent, microacceptance can be promoting a sex/body positive attitude with something as simple as using correct terms for genitals. It could be supporting their right to consent when they resist kisses from a relative. Taking that moment to answer questions like "Why do boobs look like bum?" even if you're in the middle of the grocery store and everyone is staring. And microacceptance may be especially vital for children who are queer or gender non-conforming.
For those of us who are partnered, microacceptance can be a powerful tool in creating greater intimacy. "I think you're fantastic just the way you are," is a pretty rad message to send someone. Speaking for myself, I know that as much as I dig a grand dramatic gesture, the sweet, small acts of consideration from my partner are what make me feel secure in my relationship. Those moments are the ones that let know that my partner loves me and that he likes me. And for me, it's a LOT easier to be naked and randy when I feel valued and accepted.
It's also a lot easier to cut loose with the sexy making when I feel okay with myself. As I think about this idea, I realize that microacceptance is something I can do for myself. I do struggle with my self-image. I've spent a lot of time and energy in my life taking stock of my flaws and failings. In some ways it's a become a habit.It's so easy to internally itemize my flaws and shortcomings, that even when I want to stop, sometimes I can't. Maybe the solution isn't just about getting a big-self esteem boosters (though, those are great too!) Maybe over time, small moments of self-affirmation will lead to deeper, more authentic self-love. Strong self-esteem is important in its own right but it's also kind of sexy...and that's not a bad side-effect.
Microacceptance. A little idea that might make life a whole lot better. Have you experienced microacceptance lately? Is it something you practice or plan to practice with your loved ones? Let me know how in the comments!
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