Miscarriage is something very few of us talk about openly. And we talk even less about pregnancy following miscarriage. But that is changing, thanks to actress Eva Amurri Martino, daughter of Susan Sarandon, who has revealed her struggles in a heartwrenching blog.
Even though Amurri Martino and hubby Kyle Martino are expecting another child, it would be a mistake to assume everything is hunky dory.
In her must-read post, entitled "Pregnancy After Miscarriage," Amurri Martino explains that the grief of a miscarriage doesn't magically lift once a couple manages to conceive again.
"I think there's a misconception that once a woman conceives after a miscarriage, that somehow her miscarriage is erased - that the feelings of loss are replaced by feelings of joy for this new baby, and that everything moves forward as it should be," wrote Amurri Martino. "In my own experience, this couldn't be further from the truth."
Though the actress has a 21-month-old daughter named Marlowe, she miscarried a previous pregnancy at the 10-weeks mark.
"As I grieved the loss of my child, and what could have been, I was also paralyzed by a fear that I would never again have a healthy child. My miscarriage was so sudden, so unexpected. I had been in to my doctor's office for a perfect, normal ultrasound just the day before. I saw our baby moving and growing normally: its arms and legs, its perfect heartbeat, its size right on track. Then, our baby passed away inside me what must have been only a few hours later."
She is not the only celebrity to open up about her experience with miscarriage. Every day 'regular' women are breaking the silence about loss, too. For many couples knowing you're not alone can be critical to the healing process.
There is an assumption, as Amurri Martino suggests, that if a woman falls pregnant, she should ride off into the sunset and enjoy her happy ending. She's not allowed to be sad; she's not allowed to wallow. Time heals and she should move on within a set timeframe. Why hasn't she moved on?
And if she suffers from one or more miscarriages in secondary pregnancies, there's this expectation that she should just suck it up and count her lucky stars that she already has a child. Why isn't she grateful?
And dads? Well, they are dismissed completely.
As a society we still have a long way to go when it comes to honouring the emotions of those who experience loss at any stage.
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