Can Men Describe How a Period Feels?

If I had a little fairy dust, I'd sprinkle it on the men of the world so they could menstruate (after all, their name's in the bloody word). Not every month, that would just be cruel. Maybe once a year, so they could experience firsthand the tyranny of a uterus ripping itself apart.  

If men had periods... Everyone would spend a week of every month doubled over, moaning and groaning in bed. Emergency rooms and pharmacies would be heaving with males convinced they were dying. And the economy would promptly come grinding to a halt.

How To Talk To Your Daughter About Her Period

It's probably just as well that men don't know what it's like to have their dear Aunt Rose visit unexpectedly. But they can hazard a guess, and when they do, the results are guaranteed to paint the internet (sorry) Reddit.

Being dudes, farts, ferrets, and warfare feature heavily. In some cases though, the analogies are surprisingly apt:

• “Like your uterus walked downstairs and missed the last step.”
• “Like having a grouchy ferret buried in your abdomen.”
• “Galoshy in the swampy region. Kind of like when you have a wet fart that lubricates deep between your butt cheeks. Except with a period, it all happens in your front butt.” Front butt. That's my new favourite.
• “Like your ovaries going to war in your uterus and one of them launches a nuke, then the blood and flesh of the fallen seep out through a hole in the crater at the worst possible time.”
• “Like how your head feels when you’re sick. But your nose is a vagina.”

And for guys wanting to know exactly what a period DOESN'T feel like: 

• “Judging from the tampon commercials it feels like a day at the spa that makes you want to dance around on the beach in slow motion and play sports with your friends." In all-white clothing. 

Just one day a year. Is that too much to ask?