The other day my son came home from school looking deflated. My chatty child was uncharacteristically quiet. Was he sick or hurt? It turned out to be one of those. He was indeed hurt, but not physically.
After some coaxing he told me about his day. A friend in his class was excitedly describing the birthday party he was planning — an afternoon of a laser tag followed by pizza and party games.
The boy pointed to all the kids who would be invited saying, "You and you and him and him, but not you."
The "but not you" was directed at my boy.
"Why would he say that?" my son asked me.
My mama lion fur was ruffled and I saw red. What I wanted to say was, "What a little prick." What I actually said was, "I don't know. Sometimes kids just don't think." I blathered on about maturity levels and egocentrism. I also *may* have said, "You don't want to go to his dumb party anyway." Enraged lions can't be held accountable for what they say in the heat of the moment.
And then my son taught me a lesson.
He said, "I really did want to go to his party. I love laser tag. But it's okay, maybe only a certain number of kids can go. I don't need to be invited to everything, but talking about it in front of me wasn't nice."
He's right. It's cruel and unnecessary. We don't need to be invited to everything, but tact and compassion and social graces (clearly lost on many nine year olds these days) should be one of the early lessons taught to our children.... brush your teeth, try your best, be kind, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all, AND either include everyone or keep you mouth shut.
The fact is, this type of behaviour isn't exclusive to nine year olds. Adults are guilty of this too — especially with the global immersion in social media. We know who did what, when, and with whom.
Recently I saw online that friends got together without me. But like my wise boy said, "We don't need to be invited to everything." We're not joined at the hip for crying out loud and it's nice to shake up social groups from time to time, but seeing it posted like that, the good time they were having, made me feel like I was on the outside, looking in. Silly, but true.
By all means have a party, invite friends for dinner, arrange a night out. Let the good times roll. Or course you don't have to invite everyone, that would be impossible. But, do you really need to announce online what a fabulous time you had with x, y, and z?
Granted there are times when you might be required to post about the terrific event you're attending (for work or networking or some kind of social media contract). I get it. I've done it.
But in terms of private gatherings with friends, why broadcast how much fun you're having? Simply have your fun and enjoy the moment...quietly.
As for the laser tag kid? He’s so not invited to my son’s birthday. The difference is, he’ll never know it.
Related: Party Planning For Parents
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