Lisa Thornbury: Party Mummy

Jul
14
2015

Rainy Day Activities to Save Your Sanity

Oh Crap...It's Raining. Now What?!

rainy day activities for kids
Mother Nature doesn't give a rat's ass that you're trapped indoors without wifi or TV with a pack of wrangy children. If she has rain on her agenda, that's too bad for you. I know this from experience. We spent a week last summer at a rustic family cottage and it rained four out of seven days. Thanks to sheer will and sangria, we made it through. But just barely.  
 
This year we're heading into the wild armed with activities aplenty. So bring it on Mother Nature — we're ready for you.

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Jul
08
2015

The Skinny On My Weight Loss

Plus The Truth About Fat Shaming

10 things you should do when you're trying to lose weight.

Perhaps as a by-product of the hyper politically correct society we've created, the word fat has become the new "F" word.  You can no longer elude to fatness in public without running the risk of being called a "Fat Shamer"—even if you're referring to yourself! I called myself "Skinny Fat" online and it ruffled some feathers.

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Motherhood is the ultimate road trip. Without a map. Or brakes.
Nowhere is the expression “the days are long, but the years are short” more fitting than when we’re talking motherhood. When I was home on mat leave with my first child, by 5pm you'd often find me with my forehead pressed against the front window, mentally willing my husband’s car to pull into the driveway. Those early days felt painfully long. But twelve years later, I long for those days, painfully. 
 
Life has definitely sped up.

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May
27
2015
cocktail_calories_counter

Back in the day before a big night out when we’d chant:

Beer before liquor, never sicker; Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear!

These days it’s more…

Beer before liquor, waist gets thicker; Liquor before beer, gigantic rear!

The sad booze news is—and please don’t shoot the messenger or god forbid, buy me a shooter— alcohol is not a dieter's friend.

Gasp!

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Apr
27
2015

Beware of Becoming the "B-Word"

How to Give Your Mom The Gift She REALLY Wants

My mother has been calling me the B-word lately. Sometimes behind my back. Sometimes to my face.  But it's okay. I know it's only because she misses me.  
 
Besides, she is absolutely right.  I am the B-word. I am Busy.

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Apr
15
2015

Does Your Online Persona Reflect the REAL You?

Why You May Need To Quit Being Such A Sour Susan

online_persona

I fully admit that I like to be liked. If you don't like me, I'll jump through flaming hoops to change your opinion.

"Issues."

But this post isn't about me and my problems. It's about you and your problems. Kidding. You don't have problems. You're perfect just the way you are. See? There I go trying to make you like me. 

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Apr
09
2015

How a Simple Playdate Became a Game Changer

Sometimes a playdate is just a playdate, but sometimes it can be so much more.

sad girl

My daughter was born to party. This playful little kid of mine is incredibly social. The crazy thing is, when she was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder as an infant, doctors told us that in addition to the possibility that she might not walk or talk, she would almost certainly fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. I found it impossible to believe that my smiley baby would one day recede into herself, possibly preferring solitude over the company of others. 

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Mar
20
2015

"Spring has sprung, the grass has riz, 
I wonder where my cocktail is?

"

Oh, here it is. Right beside my lounge chair. I guess I was lost in the solitude and misplaced my glass for a moment. Ahh, sweet serenity.

The Top 5 Pitcher Drinks For Summer

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Feb
27
2015

Master the Art of Small Talk in 5 Easy Steps

Party Chit Chat Can Be Awkward, But It Doesn't Have To Be

talking balloons

I was pretty shy growing up so it took years and plenty of practice before I felt comfortable-ish engaging in small talk. I'm horrible with names, easily distracted, and my brain-to-mouth filter is unreliable. These factors, plus my fear of awkward pauses (I over-compensate by spouting ridiculous random facts) can take small talk from "mildly awkward" to "stick an olive fork in me, I'm done" in seconds.

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Feb
26
2015

Smartphone Fun: How to Play "The Dirty Duos" Game

Amuse Your Friends With Tech In Under 10 Seconds!

Dirty Duos Game

The original "Fun With Auto-Correct" game (totally made up and ridiculous) takes advantage of Auto-Correct’s persistent need to decide on your behalf what twisted word you were mayyyyyyybe thinking of typing. 

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Feb
12
2015

Valentine's Day Is Useless

Reasons Why I Have No Love For V Day

anti-valentines-day

Party Mummy, should by name, embrace any opportunity to celebrate, right? Totes. But Valentine's Day is where I draw the line because... Valentine's Day is F❤️CKING stupid. There, I said it. 

Here's what irks me about V Day (That's Valentine's Day, not Veteran's Day. Veterans are cool.):

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Jan
31
2015

Wash Your Hair Like This - It's So Wrong, It's Right

The Craziest Beauty Secret You've Ever Haird

Hair
I’m not a beauty blogger (if you could see what I’m wearing right now you’d laugh your printed leggings off). So why is Party Mummy writing about hair? Good hair can pretty much guarantee a good time. Bad hair and you’ll skulk around your next party looking for a lampshade to pop on your head.
 
So I'm here to share a pretty cool hair trick. Some might suggest I’m only trying to curl your hair with such a controversial topic.

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Jan
29
2015

Heads Up: Hot Male Fashion Trend Seems Ballsy

Gives New Meaning To The Phrase "Fashion Tips"

I'm not a fashion blogger, but I know funny. And this fashion show - or at least the reaction it's getting - is hilarious. So.Many.Penis.Puns.Head.May.Explode.

Though not everyone agrees. If fact, there are a lot of people who have their knickers in a knot of over it. 

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Jan
14
2015
beaver holding a mirror

*This post is probably NSFW. Unless you work at home like I do, then carry on. You've been warned.*

Ever accidentally "reply all" to an email in a ridiculously inappropriate way? Me neither.

This Post Is Also NSFW But These Penis Cartoons a Husband Drew His Wife Are Hilarious

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Dec
22
2014

Host a Kids' Video Games Night Without Losing Your Mind

Be not afraid. It’s going to be awesome.

Kids Video Game Party
Remember Friday Night Videos on TV? I do. #old #acidwash #airguitar #singingintomyhairbrush
 
 
Fast forward...Friday Night Videos have been replaced by Friday Night Video Games!

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Dec
18
2014

Keep Your Pets Safe During The Holidays

Anyone Up For Some Heavy Petting Under The Mistletoe?

cat in the christmas tree
When I was a kid, my friend's cat had obviously eaten Christmas tree tinsel (he had a long sparkly strand hanging out of his butt). When I went to pull it out my friend's older brother shouted, "Stop! You'll pull out his intestines!!" Later that winter when my mom made a money cake for my birthday, all I could think of when I was tugging on a ribbon in search of a coin, was yanking out a pile of cake covered cat intestines.

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Dec
17
2014

The Santa Hat Drinking Game

Plus A Kid Friendly Version

Santa Hat Drinking Game

Since Ross Hammond (@RossGraphitas) tweeted the simple instructions to a silly Santa Hat Drinking Game, his post has been retweeted and favourited over 20,000 times and counting. The Huffington Post UK even ran a story on it. 

People like to drink over the holidays. Probably a result of stress, family in close quarters, the bitter cold, shopping. Whoever sang, "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" was obviously drunk.

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Dec
05
2014

How Your Kids Can Be Disney Super Heroes This Holiday

The Hottest Gift This Year Is Fun, Times Infinity...

How Your Kids Can Be Disney Super Heroes This Holiday

The first time my eleven-year-old son stepped into a comic book store, he was all BAM! He was hooked. He collects classic comics, writes his own comics strips, and has seen every super hero movie ever made. In short, KAPOW! He's crazy for all things super hero.

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Dec
03
2014

Fail-Proof Test Reveals How You Cope With Holiday Stress

Are You Holly Jolly Or All "Holy Moly! I'm Losing My Mind Over Here!" ?

Good and Bad Santas

Every year I vow not to let the holidays get under my skin. Like a sliver, stress festers until you either get it out or... snap and write a ridiculous post like this to blow off steam. Though who has time for actual words this time of year? Not this Christmas crazed girl. Hence this (almost) wordless post.

Here is a highly (not at all.. totally made up) scientific experiment for you. The results will reveal if you are coping well with holiday stress. 

Choose which image you most closely relate to:

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Nov
20
2014

Have Yourself A Kitschy Little Christmas

Ugly Christmas sweaters are a beautiful thing

Christmas sweater

Which holiday scene jingles your bells?

*Pssst, speaking of getting your bells rung, there's a great giveaway at the end of this post!*

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