I’ve been on and off various kinds of bed rest throughout my pregnancy —not because of anything obstetric thankfully but because of my Crohn’s. To make a long, long Braxton Hicks-filled story short, I went from being super excited that Cap and I were going to enjoy an exotic babymoon somewhere lush and piping hot, to being told that the closest I was getting to sounds of waves lapping on a coral beach was the sound of my toilet flushing.
“Hmmm….Your symptoms don’t seem concurrent with your Crohn’s… let’s see what happens over the next couple weeks. It could actually be you adjusting to your new medication… if things are still acting up next month we’ll look at some more tests.”
The last 3 months of 2013 had been peppered with Crohn’s issues, and landed me in the hospital a few times. I’d had some new meds added to my already existing cocktail, and tried to focus on recovery.
What is support? Why does everyone have advice to give? And when do you draw the line when things start to feel, well, yucky, for lack of a better word?
I’m not wearing my wedding ring and it feels very strange.
The truth is I haven’t worn it in weeks, but it’s only now, looking at Hubs’ bare hands that I feel odd. Somehow when he removed his, it got me looking for mine. Like I have to visually confirm its absence.
Sometimes I still feel its imprint and my thumb darts across my palm searching for the thin bands on my fingers. It’s like having a ghost appendage.
Family planning, fertility issues, and miscarriage blow a hole in your life. The stress can leave you asking "How do I get over this loss?” or “When will I start feeling better?” and you will not know the answer. That is, until you find the elusive reset button.
My reset button, it turns out, involves having a baby with an ex-boyfriend. Wait. What?
"Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems."
You know that line? It's in The Breakfast Club. Emilio Estevez says it to Ally Sheedy during their first 'getting to know you' teen-angst fuelled conversation. And it's how I feel right now.
