Early last year, I was interviewed during the preliminary data gathering for a new documentary airing this Thursday, January 9, on CBC's Doczone, called The Motherload. In the doc, Director Cornelia Principe takes aim at our society and the current pressures facing working mothers. I find this topic to be endlessly fascinating, and many of the topics and points that they bring up in the movie go through my mind on a regular basis.
For example, in the trailer someone mentions that working fathers are never questioned about having it all, nor are they criticized for working while their kids are in care. As a working mom myself, it really irks me that my decision to work (or not) has to be scrutinized not just by society in general, but also by other mums.
The movie was made after last year's Atlantic article called "Women Still Can't Have It All," and even just the title of that article is a bit bait-inducing to me. NO one can have it all—not dads, not mums, not single guys and gals. No one single human can have "it" all ("it" being whatever you want out of life). I'm curious to see what the movie's thesis is and if Principe also believes that the idea of "having it all" is silly.
As for me, I personally do a lot, but it's not because I "must." It's because I want to. My first maternity leave, I had severe postpartum depression, which I think was exacerbated by the fact that I had nothing to do but wallow. This time around, I'm using my time to build my business, write for YMC, and be better engaged. Is my house tidy? Are my dishes washed by me most of the time? Do I cook and do laundry? Sure. But so does my husband. If I'm carrying the motherload, it's because I'm choosing to. And while a lot of women don't have the choice, I know for me it IS my choice. Maybe it was my upbringing or maybe it's just how Matt and I do things, but it seems to work for both of us, and we're generally pretty happy.
Do I have it all? No way. Do I have a lot? Yes. I'm really interested in seeing what the working mothers in the documentary say about "having it all," and if, like me, many don't feel guilt about it or if they do.
Do you feel like you carry most of the burden in your house? Do you carry The Motherload?
If you follow me over on Twitter or Instagram, you may have noticed the last few days that I've started taking photos of myself (selfies) with the hashtag #365feministselfie. And a few of you have asked what that means, so I figured I'd tell you about why I'm participating and how you can, too. But to go forward, let me go back a bit to the first time Erica and I met in person.
While Erica and I sat down and talked about my soon to be new YMC blog (this was in 2012), she mentioned that she liked my feminist slant on pop culture and I instantly and automatically denied that I was a feminist. There were a lot of poorly thought out reasons as to why I didn't consider myself a feminist back then, but I realized I can proudly call myself a feminist and be inclusive to many different things AND love talking about celebrity, gossip and fashion while working to try not to diminish other women (which, I will be the first to admit, doesn't always work and I'm always learning). If anything, from that initial conversation to today, I think I've become more of a feminist while becoming even MORE interested in celebrity and how it works.
On January 1, I saw my friend Lyndsay tag a photo with the #365feministselfie thing and thought, "this will be neat." So, I did some research and a few things stuck out to me and made me want to participate. One of the big things for me is how often we as women (and as mothers) are bombarded with the idea that we get our bodies back instantly after having children, or that our post-pregnancy bodies are some how LESS than our pre pregnancy bodies. This seems to be beaten over our heads with svelte celebs on the covers of magazines, shouting HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK IN 5 WEEKS. Well, my body will never be "back" after having two kids, and I don't care. I really actually like being curvy and love the larger hips that having kids has provided me. I don't run to be skinny, I run because I love running and it makes me feel good. I want women to see that so that they see what "normal" actually is.
I'm normal. I'm quite tall, which works in my favour, but I'm not skinny. I don't always wear makeup. I often have roots and my bleach blonde hair sometimes looses its lustre between colourings. And I want to share that with you. Because selfies are not about vanity, nor are they a "cry for help" like Jezebel declared late last year. A self portrait is a slice of life, REAL life, taken in a moment.
I am excited to share with everyone my day-to-day and excited to share with myself. One of the goals of my 365 is to try and take photos when I'm not happy with my hair or my outfit so that I can get used to looking at myself. Because even if I happily say how much I feel empowered, I sometimes feel like a lumpy space princess.
And it's not too late to start the challenge! Mamas, I'm calling on you to try this out, too. It's an interesting goal and I want the world to see that motherhood is beautiful and not bikini ready all the time (or ever, for some mamas) and I want you to look at yourselves every day and be happy :)
It's only January 2, and I've already got two stories that are blowing my mind!
This past week, former SNL comedian (and admitted comedy plagiarist) Jay Mohr said some pretty unpleasant things about gorgeous mother and actress Alyssa Milano, basically saying he could tell she'd "had a kid" because of her "gut." The two both presented at a NASCAR awards ceremony, and Mohr tore a strip off of her performance as well as her physique. Saying things like, "somebody sat in the director's chair and wasn't wearing spanx and I was like, 'Jesus Christ!'" And, "It seems like she had a baby and then said, "I don't give a shit." I read that on her gut."
Yes. These are things that actually came out of someone's mouth. When describing a woman who looked like this at the event in question:
For her part, Milano tweeted out, "So sorry you felt the need to publicly fat-shame me. Be well and god bless. Please send my love to your beautiful wife."
And that's it. I would have probably had some choice words for him, but this response is what actual class is about.
The other side of this post is something that might be SPOILER WARNING *TMI* for some of you.
Cameron Diaz has recently had a book published called The Body Book where she discusses being happy, healthy and all the rest. While I usually don't go in for this sort of celebrity self-help stuff, Diaz dedicates an entire section of the book to the art of pubic hair removal. In the section, Diaz discusses the current trend of having laser hair removal on one's genitals.
Yes, you read that right. Women are opting to remove their pubic hair permanently. Diaz writes,
"Personally, I think permanent laser hair removal sounds like a crazy idea. Forever? I know you may think you’ll be wearing the same style of shoes forever and the same style of jeans forever, but you won’t. The idea that vaginas are preferable in a hairless state is a pretty recent phenomenon, and all fads change, people.”
She goes on to say some fairly strange things about pubes being a drape or something (it's really weird) but I applaud her for trying to have a conversation about our bodies. Many women feel inadequate when it comes to their genitals based on unrealistic expectations, and here's someone publicly saying, "hey, just leave well enough alone and love yourself" and that's something I can get behind.
What do you think about Cameron's claims or Alyssa's moment with Jay Mohr?
Photos courtesy of Fameflynet.com
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