This weekend was The Oscars. In the aftermath of the show, people complained about winner Lupita Nyong'o's blackness and thinness, about Kim Novak's face and about all sorts of other ridiculous, superficial things. Even I was shocked by Novak's look on Sunday night, as she seems to have been plastic surgeried to within an inch of her life. But upon further inspection, this is a woman who had her whole career been belittled and brow beaten into submission during an era where she was constantly compared to her "betters" in a field she never truly felt comfortable in.
I thought, "It must be a real shame to not feel comfortable in your own skin to do such things to your body." And then I thought some more. These words were basically what my mother said to me when I got my first tattoo. Since that first one 17 years ago (I cannot even believe it was that long ago), there have been many more and I love them all. And while I usually also love the body that brought my two kids into the world, lately, I've been feeling terrible about myself over a few measly pounds (ten to be exact).
I am tall. 5'9". I am curvy, and always have been even at my skinniest weight. Currently, I weigh 185lbs, am a size 10-12, but for some reason, I absolutely loathe myself. I'm tired. I haven't had the time or energy to exercise in months. I miss running, but I get vertigo on treadmills (any indoor equipment, really), and it's been far too icy for this klutz to run this winter. Matt's still working full time graveyard shift, so I solo parent 95% of the time.
Excuses, right? Probably. But I'm also feeling unreasonably hard on myself and have no idea how to shake it. It's March (lousy smarch weather!) and it's STILL snowing/-20 out. My exercise consists of walking back and forth between the shop and my house once or twice a day. I'm eating doughnuts and scones instead of meals. It's all leading up to a whole lot of meh.
How does this tie into the Oscar telecast, you ask? Well, nothing is particularly terrible in my life, and no one has repeatedly told me I was ugly, nor does my life rely on my "looks," yet here I am, just wanting to crawl into a hole. So I fully understand why Kim Novak had so much garbage injected into her face. Low self-esteem in a career where you get cast aside just for turning a year older is pretty much par for the course.
So, let's all go a little bit easier on others so we can maybe try and be a little bit easier on ourselves (good advice, me).
Like this? Check out Calling Out Pro-Ana Apologists and I Love Jennifer Lawrence.
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