Complete this sentence:
One of the biggest surprises associated with quitting my job, moving out to the country, and becoming a stay-at-home mom was…
a) I am still expected to get dressed every day
b) My phone rings constantly but the telemarketers are not interested in what I’m making for lunch
c) I am not yet bored
d) My husband actually thinks that I should be responsible for keeping the house clean
You could have answered a, b, c, or d and been correct, but I think you have already guessed that the answer I’m going for here, is d.
In addition to taking care of the kids, doing all the things associated with being a mother and doing all of the food planning/prep/cooking (all of which I adore, btw), plus spending my days writing, my husband actually thinks I am also a housekeeper now.
He’s funny.
Of course, he’s not vocalized this misguided understanding of his (I said he’s funny, not stupid), but his not-so-subtle hints are evident. I honestly think he’s struggling — on one hand, he is a super-supportive, thoroughly modern man who left the decision to stay home completely up to me, and had previously supported and nurtured my 12-year career outside of the home.
But on the other hand, I’m home now, he is the primary money-earner, and, did I mention I’m home now? The implication, I have to assume, is that the cleaning of the home that I am now staying in all day, is mine.
And it’s possible that he is right; that keeping the house clean is now solely my domain. (And FTR, it’s not like our house is a sty, but still.) It’s possible that he’s right, but having never engaged our household in such a traditional model before, we’re at a bit of a crossroads in regards to the delegation of domestic responsibilities.
What that means is that he gives me side-eye while surveying the mess at the end of the day, and I glare at him in a way that suggests not helping me clean up will result in some very boring evenings for the next little while. (I kid. I don’t use our intimate relationship as currency. Much.)
Really, my point is, we are not sure which way this part is supposed to go. In Toronto, when we both worked full time outside of the home, we had a housecleaner come in every couple of weeks to do the real deep and dirty work, and equally shared the rest of the responsibilities. Now, we’re just not sure what our roles are supposed to be. I don’t want to do all the cleaning; I hate it. And quite frankly, I don’t want to talk about it with him because his assumption that I should do it might be right.
So, what’s a gal to do?
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