With summer on the horizon, there's a seemingly endless number of activities for families to enjoy. Yet many attractions are simply off limits for families like mine. These destinations are too loud, too crowded, too noisy, too something.
When my son was diagnosed years ago, I was determined not to let autism limit my family life in any way. We would make our own happy memories, just like everyone else.
Does your child fear the person in the white coat? Mine does. After a recent visit, my seven-year-old is now positively petrified of the dentist.
The fluoride plate caused him to gag. The scrape of enamel made his skin crawl. Then there were the repeated attempts to take X-rays by shoving a too-big implement into his mouth.
The dentist meant well. Still, as a parent the scene was painful to watch. More coaxing, more failed attempts. Meanwhile my son's anxiety skyrocketed. We left, frustrated (me) and in floods of tears (him).
I see you in the doctor’s office holding your breath. The room is small and stuffy. You are afraid of what he will say. You are terrified he will confirm your suspicions – that there is something wrong with your beautiful baby – are true. Instead, he reassures you. Come back in a few months, he says. And when you do, your step is light, confident. Your 18-month-old son has so many words now, many more than he did the last time you visited. Maybe your boy is fine after all. You probably overreacted. You’re a first-time mom.
Having a child on the autism spectrum can be a very insular and isolating experience. I spend so much time spilling my own thoughts and experiences as a mom that I sometimes wonder if I am the only one thinking what I'm thinking, feeling what I'm feeling.
It's hard to believe it's been almost four year since autism entered my life. And like an unexpected dinner guest that at first is fascinating and charming - but after a while grates on your nerves - it shows no sign of leaving. Ever.
So I've tried my best to get acquainted and be a gracious hostess...er...mom. Raising my son is still a largely mystifying experience, but there are some takeaways I've learned along the way:
When mama goes away, the kids don't always want to play. Sometimes they're upset and distraught, though they may not even realize it.
In the seven years that my son has been on the planet, I have been lucky to be (mostly) around. Working from home, I never suffered the cruel, sudden separation that some moms have to go through when they head back to the office.
And I counted my blessings. My son always parted ways easily for drop-off activities and later, school, safe in the knowledge that I would be back in a few hours to collect him.
It's that time again. April has reared its head, and I'm wondering what to say about autism that hasn't already been said. What could I possibly bring to the table, as a parent, that will make the unaware more aware?
Then I realize I don't have to say anything at all. A 13 year-old girl has summed up what you need to know about autism more eloquently and succinctly than people more than double her age.
Plus, who better to ask about autism than someone who is actually autistic?
We are lucky to live in an age of increasing autism awareness. Still, in spite of all the awareness—and a cornucopia of books on ASD—there are very few kids books out there that focus on teaching the child to appreciate and value himself.
While it's obviously crucial to educate family and friends about autism, to my mind, it's equally (if not more) important to foster self-esteem in the child with the disorder.
Heading off a tantrum is bad enough at home, but when you go out to dinner with a child on the spectrum, you go armed with lots of blind faith and a nest of bunnies up your sleeve. Even typical kids can struggle in a restaurant setting. The usual preparations apply double so with kids who have extra needs.