Have you made plans this summer? Rented a cottage? Booked an RV for a cross-country tour? CANCEL. Call right now and get that security deposit back because you'll want to spend a few warm days lounging around reading the brand new Harry Potter book coming July 31, 2016.
We knew a play was coming — a play based on an original and unreleased script — but the play opens in London England and I don't fly and I'm sorta poor so I can't attend. Also I wasn't invited.
But now I can read the tale and you all can as well, because immediately following the first show in July of this year the script will be released as Book # 8 in the Harry Potter series as Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts I & II. From Pottermore.com: "Print and digital editions will publish simultaneously after the play’s world premiere this summer, and will comprise of the version of the play script at the time of the play’s preview performances."
Let's look at this with a critical mindset. Wait! I'm freaking out! I can't be critical! It's a new Harry Potter story and it's about Harry's kids! Maybe one of them slashes Draco's tires and puts farting potion in his briefcase! Plus, look at the "Parts I & II" of the title. Is this a clue? Are there more parts coming? Why even reference this aspect if not? No one called the first Godfather "Part One" until after Part Two. The First World War? "The Great War" until we had another one! I'm happy enough we're getting a new installment at all but if anyone has pull with Rowling, I think it'd be great to make this an annual thing. I have no other plans.
Scholastic Canada will publish the book here in Canada and offers this glimpse at the storyline:
It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband, and father of three school-age children. While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes darkness comes from unexpected places.
Pottermore says the new book picks up "19 years after the Battle of Hogwarts, in the epilogue to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" and will be "staged in two parts, due to the ‘epic nature of the story’."
Epic? EPIC? How about "my-kids-are-gonna-crap-their-pants-and-okay-so-am-I?
I need to go cancel a campground reservation since my end-of-July plans now include standing in line at a bookstore and peeing in a paper cup because I am not losing my spot.
Image Source: Pottermore
Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV?
The milkman developed a dairy allergy and retired to a nondescript gated community in north Florida. The paperboy fell in with the wrong crowd, and as for evening TV, Netflix happened, thank (insert deity of your personal choosing.)
Not only has Netflix brought us great original programming, but they're also doing us a solid in the nostalgia department, thanks to their reboots of "old" shows like Arrested Development and now Full(er) House. The Tanner family returns to the screen (or iPad, choose your poison) on February 26, which is only two weeks away, so you best order that bedazzler gun and acid wash denim fringe coat for the premiere, STAT.
The ladies of Fuller House (Candace Cameron, Jodie Sweetin, Andrea Barber) appeared on Ellen to promote the upcoming premiere and they brought with them the first full-length trailer from the streaming network. Brace yourself so some serious 90s slang. Here's the 411; word.
Expect to see plenty of 90s culture revisited as producers hook into to the current love of sentimentality in entertainment. As someone who enjoyed her teens/early 20s during the 90s, I'll be thankful for the history lesson, seeing as I, err, sorta forget what happened the first time around. Anytime I close my eyes and try to conjure the 90s, all I see are thick-soled loafers and chunky highlights and then I black out. If you need a reminder of the Full House back story, all eight original seasons from 1987-1995 are available on Netflix.
No news yet as to whether or not the Olsen twins will appear in the series, although it is reported the idea has not been ruled out. Variety reports that characters refer to Michelle as being present in their lives, as to not eliminate the possibility of a cameo. I imagine this is easier to believe than the actual reality, which likely sees the twins holding fancy cigarette holders with tiny fingers and blowing smoke rings on their 200ft yacht in the Mediterranean ocean.
Image Source: Netflix
Hannah Montana was a huge pain in the ass for a lot of us, let's just get that out of the way. I have a daughter who hit the Disney Show Target Market Age Demographic right during Hannah Montana's prime, and to say we've experienced hundreds of hours of furry boots, sparkly vests, and questionable singing is no exaggeration. The first CD my eldest bought with her own money (and yes; it was long ago enough that it was an actual, hold-in-your-hand CD) was the Miley/Hannah soundtrack, and the year was 2006.
As in 10 years ago. A decade. Three quarters of an entire generation.
Then my daughter started to grow up, and Miley started licking hammers and flashing nip and smoking hemp and humping teddy bears. It was an interesting transition and while we can be quick to judge Miley, I will say this: She developed into a pretty good singer. Her voice ripened and "Wrecking Ball" was listen worthy, whereas 2006's "Pumpin' Up the Party" on repeat ad nauseam from a tinny CD player had me running for the gin and my therapist's after hours cell phone number.
Now she's joining the next season of The Voice as a judge and she is worthy of the position. She can sing. She has a parent who is not only a professional musician, but who also had the balls to rock a mullet in public for years after the mullet had retired from the hairstyle zeitgeist. That takes nerves and confidence, something Miley inherited from her father. And why should she lack confidence? She has proven her talent and even if she's not to your taste, she sings on-pitch, has industry connections, and sells albums — everything The Voice contestants could hope for.
Let's just hope she keeps the licking of buzzers and buttons to a minimum. She's gonna get a cold sore.
What else did you miss this week?
I've been critical of live musicals in the past because, well, because in the past a lot of them sucked. I'm rethinking that blanket position because Grease Live just became a hero for live televised musical "theatre." I think everyone did well — not one person did poorly — but the stand out star was Vanessa Hudgens with her portrayal of Rizzo.
The revamp of Ghostbusters promises to be a hit, and I have my drive-in snacks planned already (Thermos Sloppy Joes and beef jerky). How can this thing not be a blockbuster? The "buster" roles now belong to Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy, and Kate McKinnon. And taking over the role of secretary — ahem, administrative assistant — previous played by Annie Potts as Janine Melnitz is Chris Helmsworth.
If you weren't going to this movie before, you're online looking for presale tickets right now.
Yes, Thor himself is now the mighty Kevin, dude-who-gets-coffee-and-probably-rolls-his-eyes-a-lot.
Image Source: Facebook, Sony Pictures, Twitter
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