Motherhood is often a thankless job, but we didn't get into it to be thanked. We got into it for wet baby kisses, macaroni necklaces, and surprisingly philosophical conversations with teenagers who amaze (and frustrate) us daily. On the bad days - the terrible, not-so-good, eat-the-last-brownie-crying-while-hiding-in-the-laundry-room days - I fantasize about what my own retirement will look like.
RBC has a great video on how you can custom design your retirement. It's realistic, funny, and informative - just like parenting! Have a look:
I'm in my early 40s and I know that I'm still young by many measures (please agree), and I know we never truly "retire" from motherhood, but thinking forward about the way our lives - at least in some measure - become our own again, makes being an age starting with a "6," something to look forward to. I want to design my retirement with the same vigour and enthusiasm I use to design a full scale 11th birthday Harry Potter Hogwarts cake.
Think about how you spend your time now, and contrast it with ways you may spend it in the future during your retirement years. I work as a freelance writer and editor and while I love my job and wouldn't trade it for almost anything, I do have other interests. I love many things outside of work and parenthood - things that don't involve deadlines, performance goals, spreadsheets, and... well, I imagine after 30 or so years of working full-time and parenting two kids, I'll want to spend my time pursuing things that don't involve sippy cups and granola bars in my purse.
As much as I value and cherish time with my kids now, let's be realistic: it's "trenches" time in our 30s and 40s and into our 50s. There's a lot of mothering work that I won't be too sorry to see in the rearview mirror, and although one never retires from motherhood, there are some good times yet to come - a lot of good times. Let's fantasize together about motherhood life vs retirement life, shall we?
Parenting Years:
You entertain the idea of attending said event until you remember the time you went out without the baby and wound up having to hand express breast milk into a sink.
Retirement Years:
Spend a leisurely day with your spouse shopping for new outfits. Enjoy lunch on a patio at that new bistro John and Siobhan told you about. Attend event and party like it's your 18th birthday and this is Debbie's basement (but without fears of getting pregnant).
Parenting Years:
Build a flow chart and corresponding Venn diagram outlining childcare options. Remember to include back-to-back dental appointments and a 5:45 am hockey practice. Pre-pack four school lunches, inform school of alternate pick-up and emergency contact. Board plane to Cuba, enjoy one piña colada, collapse in bed and sleep until one hour before return flight.
Retirement Years:
Pack an overnight bag, grab passports. Enjoy three days on a sunny beach sipping icy beverages before you even remember you have kids. Consider mailing them a postcard. Maybe.
Parenting Years:
You did go to a drop-in Zumba class at the leisure centre that one time, until the childcare room called you over the P.A. system because your toddler bit another child.
Retirement Years:
Hot yoga, squash, running club, hike Bruce Trail, research biking Pan American highway, buy a craft Okanagan winery, start a goat cheese farm, move to Fiji six-months a year to become senior surf champion, and create an animal rescue. Then, on Tuesday...
Parenting Years:
Keep your cranky baby awake through car ride home to ensure nap in crib. Feed, change, and rock irritable and overtired baby. Sing 10 lullabies, use white noise machine, aromatherapy oils, pray to every deity you've ever heard of, and burn sacrificial herbs until baby falls asleep. Leave room. Promptly step on the one creaky floorboard in house. Repeat for two hours or until you crack under stress, whichever comes first.
Retirement Years:
Lay down. Nap. Awake refreshed.
Parenting Years:
Throw all the household clutter into the bathtub and say a silent prayer so guests don't open the shower curtain. Use the garden rake on family room carpet to gather stray goldfish crackers and Lego, put into plastic bag and place in garage. Then spend an hour getting wiggly kids into car seats in -15 degree weather. Pull kids through liquor store wine section with your sunglasses on because your 7-year-old keeps saying "But how will you choose? YOU LOVE ALL OF THESE!" Leave in shame with a bottle of "Generic Red Table Wine." Pray guests leave before bedtime meltdown hour begins.
Retirement Years:
Hire a day cleaning service. Spend the day at a craft brewery sampling the beer maker's finest new bottling, enjoy an hour selecting brews your guests will enjoy. Make a stop at a boutique grocery store for artisanal cheese pairings. Welcome friends for a relaxing night of revelry and good food.
Parenting Years:
Co-ordinate your schedule and your spouse's schedule to see who can miss work to care for baby. Arrange to do a late pick-up at the after-school program for your 5th grader. Spend six hours preparing a "quick" crock pot meal so dinner will be ready upon your return. Gather important paperwork. Wake up on the morning of that "extremely important appointment that cannot be missed" to a child screaming with a 102 degree fever.
Retirement Years:
Note date of appointment in day planner. Rebook your previous plans of a girls' lunch and afternoon at the botanical gardens for the following day.
Print out the list above to keep you going on those days when you can't see the light anymore. It's coming, I promise! We just need to hang in there and remember that while we should enjoy the good as it comes now, there is also a lot of good yet to come - and it's ours for the designing. When I think about how fast the last 20 years has passed and apply that formula to the next 20, it's going to be here before we know it. Retirement isn't really that far off. Do you know how you want to spend it?
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