LEGO Store Detains Boy for Shopping Alone

boy_detained_at_Lego_store_for_shopping_alone

Welcome to our Brave New World, parents!

Come, in! Don't be afraid! We've eliminated any and all possible dangers. It's a place where kids are never left unattended, unsupervised, or unwatched, even if it means a loss of freedom or verges on detrimental to normal development. It's a world where the sweet, indescribable joys of independence are now delayed until one has completed almost two decades on life on this, our scary and way-too-dangerous planet. It is a world where even children- children! - were permitted to know the bliss that accompanies simple things like selecting and paying for their own toys without the buzz-kill of a parent checking their watch and hissing "Oh, for the love of Christ, can you just pick-a-LEGO-set-already-I've-got-a-roast-in-the-oven."

Those days are gone. Ask Tadhg Dunlop, the 11 year-old Calgary boy who was "detained" by staff at The LEGO Store when it was discovered he was shopping without an adult present to "supervise" him. (Tadhg, it bears repeating, is NOT a criminal mastermind, nor an escaped felon on day release. He's a child who, you know, likes LEGO.) The store says they were concerned with the the child's safety, which is a little surprising, because if LEGO was so concerned with safety, perhaps they'd organize a team of engineers to do something about all those pointy-cornered bricks that torture millions of bare feet every year.

I'm not blaming the LEGO store for their policy, and to be clear, I am a fan of their work. LEGO has bought me hours of glorious time alone to do super fun stuff like clean blueberry Squish 'Ems off the ceiling and philosophize over why there is a wooden spoon in the toilet. But I fully support Tadhg's father Doug Dunlop in his incredulity over the detainment; he writes that his 11.5 year-old son rides his bike to school alone, and often visits stores sans parent - like any other healthy 11.5 child should be. Adults do not hold exclusive rights to our communities - our children live here, too. They need to learn how to navigate obstacles real and imagined - detours for roadwork, not having the correct change, jerks who hold up the line at the ice cream store, and nice old men who help fix bike chains. When you take these opportunities away from children, you are delaying and permanently harming their independence. These lessons can be learned later, but they are not always retained. And learned fear is hard to shake.

I went to University as an adult; I sat in lecture halls with quite literally thousands of 18-21 year-olds over a four year period. Many of them should have been encouraged to shop on their own at 11.5, because at 18 or 20 they were still having their parents purchase their books online for them, as well as check their homework and call their professors because they didn't understand the course syllabus. My children have been shopping independently for years, and now, at 11 and 16 years-old, they are able to operate in public (to varying degrees) undeterred by me. My son can walk to the corner and use cash or a debit card to purchase pizza for the family. My daughter can arrange her own orthodontic check-ups and gets there herself, in a cab if necessary. Shopping for clothing can be painful with a child who has specific requirements for clothing, in that each article must possess two of the following criteria: a.) it must be red, purple, neon green or black in colour; b.) have no "stupid" scratchy seams or tags; c.) display an image of a skateboard, skull, cartoon creature picking its nose and/or something in flames.

I'd rather wax my bikini line with melted crayons and tinfoil than shop for clothing with my child. So I often send him in a West49 store alone, and have done so on most shopping occasions since he was about 9 years-old, adn they've always been great. I'm available if he needs me - just as Tadhg's dad was, as the two were set to meet for lunch at the mall where the LEGO store is located.

The LEGO store and their "No Under 12s" policy are born from a decade or two of permeating and invasive fear brought on by over litigious, over-anxious adults who sharpened their teeth on a 24 hour news cycle. We are hurting our kids by not allowing them to be alone, because there is great joy in being alone. I am alone right now and I gotta say, it's pretty fucking great. This is not a gift you should deny your children. And just as importantly - you deserve to be alone sometimes, also. You're going to worry, sure, but that ship sailed when the condom broke or the ink dried on adoption papers or Larry the nice water delivery man agreed to donate sperm.

I'm not saying the freedoms must be in full-sail by 11, because each child is different and has varying abilities, but you should at least be starting to encourage independence by then if even remotely possible.

Let me tell you about some of the things that I did by the time I was 11 years-old. (Note: I am not currently 93 years-old. All of this happened less than 30 years ago. Okay; 32 years ago, but who's counting?)

Rolled coins and walked to the movies with friends (age 9)

Went to the outdoor public pool with friends and then stopped for ice cream on the way home (age 8)

Walked around the neighborhood and offered to shovel driveways (age 8)

Rode my bike to the park where I played until the street lights came on even if it meant I was alone on the swing set (age 7)
Took a wagon full of beer bottles back to the beer store to get money for maxi pads (11.5 - same as Tadhg)

At 11 I was old enough to have and handle a period, but not old enough to be alone in a store.

LEGO formed this foolish policy on fear. The ink may say it's for safety, or concern, or some other spirit-crushing excuse, but they're all terms couched in fear, and play on the fears of the public. "What if something happened and there was a fire?" people ask, concerned (afraid). I can almost guarantee someone would comfort your child. Wouldn't you? Right. Because you're not an asshole, and neither are 97% of the people in the world.

Why not choose trust instead of fear? Trust that someone would help your child in an emergency or the unlikely event the store had to be evacuated. Trust that your child knows how to ask for help. Trust yourself to teach them how to be savvy in the great wide world and trust that they can handle situations outside their comfort zone once in a while. Our children deserve autonomy and agency and to thrust them into a world at 18 when they've had little-to-no practical experience out "in the wild" is more a disservice to their psyche than any protections we attempt to falsely impose.

So stick to the bricks, LEGO. Leave the parenting to me.