Oh Cole, I'm feeling the weight of you turning four, and it's heavy.
Not every age comes with the same weight. Two and three somehow didn't feel so big, but four? This one is heavy.
When I close my eyes and try to imagine you as a newborn, it feels so far away most days. I almost forget what you were like as an infant, and this makes me quite sad. Though I know I'll never truly forget, because you are an extension of myself and my arms will always remember the weight of your newborn body.
Have you resolved to finally get that Olympian-fit body you've been longing for? And give up carbs, gluten, sugar, caffeine, and oxygen? Are you going to focus on finding your inner "quiet" so you can be a louder "you"? Are you going to recycle gum wrappers and stop using water bottles and never buy leather or paper coffee cups or stupid toys at the dollar store?
Maybe it's because Maeve isn't such a baby anymore, and she might be our last (she'll most likely be our last). Or maybe it's because it's summer - and all I want to do is play, play, play (and not work, work, work). But I've totally been Peter Panning it lately, and it's awesome.
In two short weeks, my mat leave is over, and I'm heading back to my full-time day job. This hurts my heart. Not because I don't love my job (I do) but because I don't like working 40 plus hours a week and commuting. I'll miss my kids. A lot. There will be a huge adjustment period, and I'll actually need to start getting dressed before 2pm. And possibly start brushing my hair (if I have time.) I'm going to miss my afternoon snuggles, trips to the park, and spontaneous living room dance parties.
Recently I've been feeling an urge to eat my children, so I figured I should write about my love for them before I actually take a bite out of their soft little arms.
I don't know what it is about extreme love that makes us want to place our chompers on new baby skin, but we do. We all do. Right? We take little nibbles of their toes and cheeks. We bury our faces in their hair and take long deep inhalations, hoping to capture that smell and memory for all of eternity.
I don't know if you know this or not - but I get to watch movies and TV shows for a living. It's a pretty tough job, but someone has to do it. My husband hates me if I ever complain "But honey - the movie was soooo long. And with the sun coming in through the window, I almost fell asleep at my desk!"
I get no sympathy.
But it's okay, I realize I have a great job and I work with awesome people on top of it all. My boss is also fantastic.
*hoping my boss is reading this and will now give me an incredible bonus and substantial raise*
It’s 2AM and I have puke in my hair I’ve just changed your diaper and there’s pee everywhere. Half asleep, I stumble and make my way back to bed. Hoping you’ll fall asleep once you’re fed.
Last week I met up with Erica and she pointed her finger at me sternly and said "You MUST write a post about what it's like to be a new mom: was it anything like what you expected?" And then she threatened to beat me up if I didn't write it!
So I write you this blog post out of fear and obligation...
