Oh Cole, I'm feeling the weight of you turning four, and it's heavy.
Not every age comes with the same weight. Two and three somehow didn't feel so big, but four? This one is heavy.
When I close my eyes and try to imagine you as a newborn, it feels so far away most days. I almost forget what you were like as an infant, and this makes me quite sad. Though I know I'll never truly forget, because you are an extension of myself and my arms will always remember the weight of your newborn body.
Maybe it's because Maeve isn't such a baby anymore, and she might be our last (she'll most likely be our last). Or maybe it's because it's summer - and all I want to do is play, play, play (and not work, work, work). But I've totally been Peter Panning it lately, and it's awesome.
If this white screen were a piece of paper, it would have wet wrinkly puddles of tears on it. I don't feel like there are any words to describe how this past year has made me feel. My life is forever changed, and in the best way possible. My baby boy turns one today, and my heart just keeps exploding with fireworks. Every time he smiles, every time his mischievous eyes twinkle.
I have a theory that socks and soothers are somehow related: they each go missing, no matter how many you have. Socks, I can somewhat understand because everyone knows about the dryer burglar. But soothers? Is there a soother monster I don't know about?
Thankfully, Playtex just sent me about ten thousand* soothers, because I'm sure in a week I'll end up with only five.
*ten thousand in exaggerated Jen-speak translates to about 20, but that's still pretty awesome.
So I've realized I'm a hoarder. A hoarder of my own breastmilk. It's like a stamp or antique spoon collection. I love to open the freezer and look at the bags of frozen breast milk. I count them. "One, two, three, four..." and then I add up how many ounces I have and fantasize about all of the things I could do with so much frozen milk: I could get a massage! I could go for a pedicure! I could have 4 glasses of wine...in a row!
Last week I met up with Erica and she pointed her finger at me sternly and said "You MUST write a post about what it's like to be a new mom: was it anything like what you expected?" And then she threatened to beat me up if I didn't write it!
So I write you this blog post out of fear and obligation...
So, I have totally become that Mom — the one who dresses her child up in cutesy outfits and takes embarrassing photos. Anything with animal ears is a must-have. To date, Cole has been a bear (twice), a bunny, and a baby hippo. Most of these animal hats have been crocheted by my mother-in-law, so I sort of had to dress him up in them. (That’s my excuse anyway. I secretly, or not so secretly now, love it and think it’s hilarious!)
I just wanted to post a quick thank-you video for fellow Yummy Mummy Club blogger Candace Alper for the personalized CD she sent Cole for his 2-week Birthday ;)
Okay, so I’ve taken several short breaks between feedings over the last few days to write out a full and detailed birth story.
For those of you who would rather read the short and sweet version, I’ve provided you with the Cole’s Notes version. This is also a very clever play-on-words (so please applaud me) because my son’s name is Cole. Clever. I know ;)