For those of you who really know me, you know that I love to talk about poo and vaginas (as separate topics). So this blog post should come as no surprise.
But for some, it can be a surprise.
The poop, that is.
"What? I might poop when I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina?" Yes. Yes, you might. In fact, you probably will. If you say that you didn't, then I can't even accuse you of being full of shit, because clearly you're not. But back in the day, not so long ago (I'm not sure when exactly), they used to give women enemas when they were in labour so they could avoid this situation entirely. But at least in Ontario, they don't do that anymore.
I remember when I was pregnant with my son two years ago, I was actually quite concerned, "I don't want to poop on my baby!" I remember people would laugh at me and reassure me, "Don't worry, that will be the least of your concerns when the time comes." And I remember thinking I wasn't so sure. I really didn't like the idea of my beautiful baby being born alongside a giant turd. It just wasn't the "welcome to the world" gift I thought my baby deserved.
I actually remember thinking that maybe once I was in labour, I'd ask for an enema. Haha. And then labour started, and guess what? I didn't give a rats ass if I pooped on my baby! I wouldn't have cared if someone pooped on ME! All I cared about was surviving each earthquake of a contraction and delivering a healthy baby. That's it. Funny how your priorities change in these types of situations.
And now, two years later, as I'm about to embark on this child birthing journey once again, I've realized there are 3 good reasons to poop while in labour:
1) YOU'LL PROBABLY BE SCARED TO POOP FOR A WHILE AFTER LABOUR, SO BEST TO GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM NOW.
2) YOUR BABY WILL SHIT AND PISS ON YOU FOR THE FIRST FEW YEARS, YOU OWE THEM ONE.
3) IT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD LIFE LESSON, RIGHT FROM THE START: "Life can be shitty sometimes, so you just need to wipe your face and keep on truckin', my friend!"
Alright, there you have it. This blog post was brought to you by the word "Poop."
If you'd like to read more about my experience with bodily functions (me peeing my pants) check out this link.
Or, if you'd like to skip to my next favourite subject, vaginas, you can click here.