Help! My Child Hates Their Teacher!

So, the first month of school is almost done and you’ve received countless permission forms and letters and sent in money for this and that. Hopefully by now you have a sense of your child’s teachers – their philosophies on education and their style of discipline. And maybe you’ve formed a few opinions.

And maybe you think your child got a raw deal this year with a less-than-awesome teacher. Obviously, you and your children are not going to love every teacher – but how do you decide when it’s time to take action? What’s a concerned parent to do?

Whose opinion is it? Trying to keep it neutral, talk to your child and find out about their experience of school this year. Maybe you have formed an opinion of the teacher based on the experiences of other families or your own agenda. If your child is coping with little concern and generally seems to enjoy school, but your personality happens to clash with the teacher, then you need to suck it up. Do your best to keep the relationship professional and keep your negativity out of earshot of the kids. It’s your child that has to deal with the teacher five days a week, if they are managing well, that's what matters.
Honour your child’s feelings. If your child is having a miserable time relating to their teacher, listen to them! Don’t brush off their feelings and don’t blame the child for what is happening. Play detective and try to get some more information. Does your child feel the teacher is “mean” because he or she expects pupils to work hard, or is the teacher being unfairly punitive? Does the teacher yell at the kids or scapegoat one or two students? Try to get some specific examples of things that are upsetting your child.
Decide the severity of the problem. You know your child best and you know the impact this teacher is having on your kid. I don’t believe in “rescuing” our kids from every single problem. We all have to work with people we don’t always get along with in life and it may be a good lesson for your child to figure out how to make things work with the teacher. There is something to be said for encouraging your child to find a way to get along with the teacher, rather than rushing in to try and solve things on their behalf. Having said that, there are times that you need to be an advocate for your child. If the situation is leading to health concerns for your child, anxiety, dislike of school, apathy towards learning or if you just know in your gut it’s a bigger concern, by all means, step in.
Start with the teacher. Set up a face-to-face meeting with the teacher. It’s good to start with inclusive, team-oriented language (“We have a problem and I’m hoping together we can find some ways to solve it.”) rather than a personal attack, which will likely be met with defensiveness. Use specific examples of things that are upsetting your child. Share your concerns. If things do not change following the meeting and you and your child remain concerned, do not hesitate to take the next step.
Share your concerns with the principal. Let the principal know the steps you’ve already taken and what the outcome of the meeting with the teacher was. Share specifics about how this particular teacher-student relationship is affecting your child and how you would like to see things resolved. Be prepared that changing classes is not always a viable option. The principal will most likely try other ways to resolve the problem before making a classroom adjustment.
Keep talking to your child about things! It would be counter-productive to jump in on a teacher-bashing session with your kids. You don’t want to criticize the teacher in front of your child or create an “us against them” mentality. However, you always want to keep the lines of communication open. Ask you child if things have changed following your intervention. And focus on the positive - get your child to tell you the things they love about school.

I’m a big believer in helping kids face difficult challenges and I have seen amazing growth come from kids coping with struggles. However, you are the parent and you know your child best. Most teachers I have had the pleasure of working with are dedicated, hard-working professionals who do whatever they can to accommodate the needs of their students. Most, but not all. If this is the year your child needs some help dealing with a bad teacher, then use it as a teachable moment and show your child the right way to handle conflict.