Between my first child and second child—there is a two-year gap. Between my first child and third child—there is a ten-year gap age gap. Is there a "right" age gap for siblings? Is there a "magic" spacing gap that makes life easier? I have both a small sibling age gap and spaced age gap in the house and I can tell you...there is no "right" or "magic."
I honestly confess that the year my second child was born was the most difficult year of my life. My toddler was running one way while the baby crawled in the opposite direction. My diaper bag was filled with size 5 diapers along with size 1. I was constantly "on duty" with the two year old (you know how they get into everything) and then up every two hours breastfeeding the baby at night. I thought then: a two year age gap was too close.
On the pro side: I got the "kid stages" over at once (two birds with one stone if you will). When I ditched the diaper bag I knew I was done.
I also found a closer age gap organized our lives. We had the daily routine of young kids which organically organized our schedule (no late parties here).
Then, fast forward ten years...pregnant with baby #3. (And let's get this clear once and for all...he was not a mistake pregnancy...or a surprise pregnancy...it's amazing how, when people realize there is a 10-year age gap, they jump to the conclusion that Mom lost all knowledge of contraception one month...he was ON PURPOSE thank you very much).
A ten-year age gap presented all sorts of possibilities. They would never fight over the same toys (tweens don't care much for stacking blocks). The older kids were pretty much self-sufficient (they could pour their own cereal at least). In two short years, I would have a live-in babysitter (hello 12 year old daughter!). The extended age gap looked good.
However, it is two years later...and I'm finding the larger age gap just as frustrating as the smaller one.
The big kids (now 12 and 9 3/4) have the energy to go-all-day whereas the baby has to stop and nap. The big kids want to do big kid things like go to the movies...whereas the baby does not have the concentration nor sit-still-ability to sit through a full feature film. The big kids want to be driven to parties at the same time I have to put baby down for bedtime.
My conclusion to all this...there is absolutely no "right" age gap between siblings. Two years...ten years...both come with pros and cons. There is no magic spacing number to guide your fertility plans.
"Yes, girls we have a baby and have to go home for him to nap. Every day. But remember how much you enjoy playing with him, pushing his stroller, showing him off to your friends. Having a baby is a good thing right?"
"Sorry baby, you just have to tag along because your big sisters have a play date. But remember how much fun you have playing with them, that they push your stroller, that they introduce you to their friends. Having big sisters is a good thing right?!"
Sibling age gaps have pros and cons. But so does everything in life.
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