There’s been a lot of fussing this week about the couple in Toronto looking to raise their child genderless by not revealing its sex to anyone outside the immediate family. Ummm, ok?
This seems a little like a fools game to me, because you, the parents know, right? It’s like peeking at your presents before Christmas and then pretending to be surprised. “Oh look, it likes to pee sitting down/standing up, I’m absolutely flabbergasted. Who would have guessed?” In your heart of hearts you know, so who do you think you’re kidding?
Yes, I know they’re trying to make a statement to society that they want their child to determine who they are without social norms being pushed on them. Again, OK, whatever? So you don’t want Barbies pushed at it or maybe it’s Superheroes you want to avoid. Hey, I hated the Bratz. Like, I’m talking despised with every fibre of my being, the little trashy trollops. So, I had a rule. No Bratz. My kids knew it, everyone who knew me knew it and if someone tried to slip one in for a gift, it was “Thank you very much” and promptly disposed of. As a parent, you can do all that and more. We all have our thing. So, if there’s societal pressure put on your child and it goes against what you believe in, then advocate for them. Talk to them and tell them why you think this way and then let them find their own path.
I think this family is getting way more attention than they deserve frankly. To say they are on the fringe of societal norms is an understatement. In fact, I’m going to wager a guess that most parents will continue to celebrate their child’s gender for the pure wonder that it is. For me, having two little girls was all I ever dreamed of. I think girls are simply amazing. Do I want them to break out of stereotypes that I was confined to growing up? Sure I do. I want them to reach higher, go further and stand taller BECAUSE they are girls. I know friends with boys that feel the same way. They are knocking down stereotypes about crying and colour preference and that it’s ok to play with dolls, etc. As a society we are ever growing and evolving.......naturally.
But to deny your child a gender? In my opinion, that’s just silly. Your gender should be embraced, celebrated. It is part of who you are and you can’t fake that. I have no idea what this couple is thinking. Ultimately, I don’t really care either. The odds are pretty good that I’m going to go to bed tonight and sleep like a baby. I don’t foresee a stampede of parents demanding to put unknown under gender on their child’s birth certificate, do you?
Here’s a thought: why don’t we all leave these people alone and let them do their thing. Is there a chance they’re going to completely screw up their child? You betcha. Then again, maybe my Bratz lockout will turn my girls to a life of fishnet stockings and cheap perfume. Is raising a child without gender as bad as a child who is in a home where they are beaten, sexually abused or neglected? Not even close. Nothing to see here folks, go about your business. There have been no major shifts in the status quo.....yet.
How much do I hate Beyonce's new song "Run the World"? Hmmm, well, getting a root canal while I had my fingernails dragged across a chalkboard would be better than sitting through this little ditty. This is clearly an example of big media pushing a song, because if this were sung by anyone else, it never would have left the studio. Aside from the fact that the lyrics are completely stupid, how can this be passed off as music?
I can't make it through the whole video without my gag reflex kicking in. If girls did run the world they wouldn't be shaking their booty and lifting their boobs up while doing it. I'm all for empowering girls and owning your sexuality but whose version of empowerment is this, with girls dressed in underwear and bras? Way to raise the bar ladies.
While I really loathe this song, I never would have given it the attention this young woman does below. My feelings on it aren't really blog worthy. It's just one of those songs I'd switch the station for when it came on. When I saw this though, I felt a little differently. This young woman has clarity beyond her years. She nails it. I'd share these messages with my girls before I'd share the Beyonce video.
Tell me if you don't agree with her?
P.S. Looking for a song of girl power? How about Pink "Stupid Girls" or Shiloh "Operator" These songs are on my girls iPods. Sorry Beyonce, you won't get my $1.29 for this one. Also, I came across the "Lies" video originally on Roger Ebert's site. Hope it goes viral.
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When the news first broke that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver had split after 25 years of marriage, I was shocked. And saddened. Whenever I hear of couples who split after a long time, it makes me nauseous. Perhaps, because I can’t help but wonder, “Is there ever a time when you’re ‘safe’ in a marriage? When the threats of infidelity and indifference no longer threaten to rip you apart?” At what point can you just sit back and say “We made it! Phew, that was a journey wasn’t it?” as you raise your glasses in a celebratory toast. With a heavy heart, I guess the answer is never.
Marriages of 15, 20, 25, even 40 years are breaking up all over the place. Think Al & Tipper Gore, Michael & Juanita Jordan, Billy Ray & Tish Cyrus, Tony & Tracy Danza. Even Pam & Tommy Lee. Ok, maybe not. Let’s leave that one out of the equation for now. But it’s not just celebrities. I know of quite a few couples that have split after a lifetime together and it’s no less sad. Occasionally though, the reasons for a marriage to end are beyond justified.
So, as I mentioned, I was shocked when Arnold and Maria called it splits. Others weren’t. Apparently, rumours of his roving eye and groping hands had been around for years. Before the news of his ‘illegitimate’ child even broke, people were speculating that it had something to do with infidelity. When the news finally did come to light, I just sat at my desk with a stunned look on my face.
“What?! But I don’t understand?”, I thought. He had EVERYTHING! And I’m not talking money. You have to strip all that away because the trappings of success are only that, trappings. When I say he had everything, I mean he had a beautiful, loving wife and four wonderful smart children. They all had their health. They had it all. And he shit all over it.
I am sick for Maria Shriver. Positively ill. I don’t care that she’s a Kennedy or that she’s led a charmed life, these things are irrelevant right now. I am relating to her as I would to a friend. As a woman, I can empathize with the grief, anger and embarrassment she must be feeling right now. Not only does she find out her husband had an affair and that he had a child with the mistress and that both she and the mistress were pregnant at the same time, and that your children were born the same bloody week! No, that’s not enough pain to deal with. Let’s add insult to injury and have this mistress under your roof for the last 20 years. What a punch in the gut! Oh yeah Maria, as much as the breakup of a marriage is like a death, you can’t leave his sorry ass fast enough.
Arnold was careless. Careless with the lives of his wife and children. Careless with the lives of his mistress and the son who will forever carry the title of ‘illegitimate’. Careless with the rest of his family and friends who supported him for the last 25 years. He was careless and selfish. All because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. If Maria never forgives him, if his children from both sides never speak to him again, if he is scorned by friends and family, he deserves it. It should be up to him to pick up the pieces of the wreck he's left in his wake. But it won't be. It never is. It's always the people who get sucked into the mess that have to clean it up.
Marriage means something. It’s hard work. Sometimes, people are unable to get past their differences and they must go their separate ways. It’s never easy to cut off a part of your life but when two adults can’t find middle ground there is little choice but to try a different path. Infidelity though? That’s not a difference of opinion; it’s the act of a person who can’t control themselves. Period. Sorry Arnold, but hasta la vista baby!
BTW: Did you see the pictures of Maria at Oprah’s Farewell show? Woo hoo, you go girl! Hold your head high. There’s a legion of women behind you who’ve got your back.
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