You Can Do It

I just think you’re amazing. Really, you.

You sitting there at home mired in self-doubt right now and wondering if you can do it. Let me be the first to tell you....you can.

Because I don’t see the things you do. I’m not in your head and I'm not privy to the demons that taunt you behind the scenes. Oh I know you might think I can see your oh-so-obvious shortcomings, but the reality is that 90% of our flaws are self-manufactured and only visible to your very worst critic....you. 

I'm saying this now because I've had several moments of clarity on this issue lately. I often walk around with bravado and confidence....in my own head, but then immediately diminish my accomplishments or talents the moment someone points them out to me.  I am the master of deflecting compliments. "Oh thank you, just dumb luck that I'm here." or "That's so nice, hitting the sauce, huh?"

But then I had a conversation with a woman I respect greatly in Jamaica. While talking about women and confidence in general she said this is passing, "I mean, you're in your forties for crying out loud. When are you going to start believing you're enough?" Cue the awkwardness here. Because although I outwardly said, "Pfft, really. Like time to get over it ladies," as if I was innocent of these charges, on the inside I was writhing.

Indeed, when was I going to start believing I was enough?

For a long time now, I have had friends tell me I should be public speaking and sharing my humour and ummm, wisdom with others. I would brush them off.  What could I have to offer? I'm no big deal. I can't do it. There are so many more out there better than I am. More of the negative self-talk that walked with me through my teens, twenties and thirties. Do I really want to carry this with me another thirty years? This is a totally rhetorical question. Of course I don't

It wasn't the fear of public speaking that was holding me back, but rather niggling doubts about whether or not I had information worth sharing. But if my friends thought I did, why didn't I? What were they seeing that I wasn't? So I sat and wrote out the things I would say to my friends if we were sitting around having a discussion.

Then I did it. I swallowed the fear. I believed I was enough. And I did it.

This is just a small clip of a 15-minute talk I gave on work/life balance to female associates at Future Shop in Ottawa. And now, I'm ready for more. I'm excited to see where I can take this and yes, now that I've started you may never shut me up.

I look at all my friends (each and every one) and I can so easily see their amazing abilities. I am awestruck by all of them, and yet, I see them do what I do. They share their fears with me about failing, or not being good enough and I shake my head. Why, when it's so clear to me, can they not see it? So I grab my pom-poms and cheer them on.

And I think that's what we need to do more often for each other. We need to be each other's inner voice. It has been my experience that my true friends see me better than I see myself.

So, enough about me, let's get back to you, k? If you're currently wondering if you can do it or not, stop asking yourself. Ask your friends. And then listen to them.