We all want our kids to feel comfortable and confident with themselves, and to know they are valued. I try to build confidence in my daughter and son on a daily basis. I talk about the strengths I see in them, how much I love watching them do activities that make them happy, and I recognize when they have made good choices. But, like most people, amidst all the other noise (and, ahem, some nagging) they don't always hear what I’m saying. Or they may hear me, but are not truly listening.
Before having kids, I read the following quote by Nora Ephron: “Having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage.” At the time I laughed and thought—in my naive, pregnant state—that it would NEVER be like that for my husband and me. Well, fast forward to seven-and-a-half years of parenthood, and my husband and I have spent a fair bit of time picking up shrapnel.
Every year, leading up to my birthday, I take some time to reflect on the year that has passed and to think about what lies ahead in the year to come. It’s always an interesting experience to look back on accomplishments, failures, the high moments and the inevitable low points. A few weeks ago I was reading about a 75-year study by Harvard researchers on what makes a fulfilling life. It inspired me to think about my life as a kind of study.
I remember when I was pregnant with our first child, and people would talk about how unprepared I was for the love I would feel when the baby was born. That I would experience a surprise at the depth of love we can feel for another human being. And with my second pregnancy, people would remark how hard it is to imagine having more love within us than we already do but once that second baby is born our love simply expands even more.
“I’ll finally be happy when… [I have a little more this…a little more that…a little more time…more sleep…more energy…more money…more room in my kitchen…more freedom…more help…more vacation…more love…more clothes…more wisdom…more coffee…more support…more experience…more understanding…more chocolate…more car…more peace…] When I have a little more (insert word here), then…yes, THEN, I’ll finally be happy.”
Labour Day weekend is usually one of my favourite weekends of the year. My husband and I had our first date on the Friday of the Labour Day weekend back in 2000, and my eldest child was born on the Saturday of the Labour Day weekend in 2006. And so every year my husband and I usually do something special on the Friday night, and we have a family get-together on the Sunday to celebrate my daughter’s birthday with all of her grandparents, aunts and uncles.