Last year, my eldest son was nine-years-old and told me that a friend of his from down the street had invited him to sleepover. I asked him if he wanted to sleep over and he responded with "I guess." It then came out that the friend had invited him the week before, though I'd heard no mention of it. I knew that something was up and sat next to him on the couch. I asked him what was really going on, as whenever this friend asks for a play date, it's all I hear about until it happens.
"Well, I've only ever slept over at a grandparent's house, or with the cousins. I've never slept over at a friend's house before."
He was nervous—as was I—and I asked if he'd prefer to have the friend sleep over here. He did, and the friend was fine with sleeping over here, and that's how it all went down.
The situation sparked a conversation between my husband and I because this was the first time that we'd had one of our kids invited to a sleepover. We thought that there should be parameters to where we allowed our kids to spend the night. At the home of someone related to us? Of course! At the home of one of our close friends? Definitely! At the home of some kid whose parents that who don't really know (or know at all)? Nope. It's not going to happen. Those kids are welcome to stay here, but unless I know the parents and their lifestyle habits, I'm not sending my child to spend a night at their house.
That aside, I think that there's also an age factor. A few weeks ago my six-year-old daughter was invited to spend the night at a friend's house. We know the parents fairly well and their daughter is my daughter's best friend. It's just...she's six. She likes a cup of warm milk before bed, and she likes one of us to rub her back after we tuck her in. Both my husband and I don't think she's old enough quite yet. Your six-year-old may very well be, but ours is not. We dropped her off the next morning for a play date instead.
Fast forward to this past Saturday. The Mom of one of my eldest son's best friends—she's a friend of mine as well—called to ask if my son would like to come over for a sleepover. I told her that he'd yet to sleep over at anyone's house who wasn't family and that I would talk to him about it and get back to her. I brought up the subject and he lit up.
"Yes! I want to sleep over!"
I asked if he was sure, and he was SURE. I asked if he was nervous, and he didn't reply because he ran downstairs to pack his backpack and grab his pillow. He was READY TO GO. Soon after, I drove him to his friend's house.
The next morning the family brought my son with them to church, and after the service we debriefed the night. My son had great manners (not surprised), they watched a funny movie, and they stayed up until almost midnight talking and playing Minecraft (still not surprised). The friend is a really great kid, and I'm glad that my son has him in his life to hang out with, both at and outside of school. The occasional late night and subsequent day of napping is worth it.
We've been open with our kids about our sleepover parameters, and they understand them. I know we'll probably have some battles as they get older, but we're going to have to weigh each invitation separately. My job as a parent is to keep my kids safe, and if that means keeping them home instead of sending them to spend the night in a home I don't know much about, then that's what's going to happen.
Do your kids go on sleepovers? Do you have any rules in place about where they can and cannot stay?
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