In all these years of studying and writing about tantrums, I admit I was still finding supporting my own children through their big emotions a challenge. I know the scripts, can do the calm-myself-down techniques, and even mostly exercise my own demons, but I was still sometimes flattened by other’s anger outbursts.
The topic of money is often in the news, but the recent American presidential election has increased the visibility of headlines like: “Is America Divided in to ‘Haves’ and ‘Have-nots’?” Assuming your family is similar to mine, you have likely heard questions like this from the children in your house: “Mom, what’s a ‘Have-not’ – are we poor?”
January has been billed as the “saddest month of the year,” but did you know that November is the one most likely to spark meltdowns, stress-reactions, and freakouts? I call this month the “Dark Days of November.” It’s true! In my line of work, it’s quite common this time of year to hear from parents, students, and teachers who are at the ends of their ropes for many different reasons.
Thankfully we can guide our families through the month of November so everyone comes out the other end reasonably intact.
Imagine having your school-aged son taken from your home and sent hundreds of miles away to a boarding school where your worst nightmares of how he might be treated actually happen? This unthinkable event was reality for the Wenjack family and the parents of 163,000 Canadian children who were taken from their families and send to residential schools 50 to 60 years ago.
One of the most painful things to hear our children or students say is: “I’m stupid” or “I’m dumb.” Our first reaction might be to utter something to counter their statement like, “No, you’re not!” but that response may actually not be helpful. Using phrases that show our children how to address their negative core belief thinking and change it will grow their self-confidence and motivation to handle any tough stuff that arises.
I think back to the days when I was a teacher before becoming a parent, which was about twenty years ago. Standing amidst 25 to sometimes 35 students, there were many moments where I just couldn’t think of how to make a student do something he or she was refusing to do.
I admit that sometimes I resorted to punishment rather than positive discipline and all these years later I cringe at those thoughts, wishing I could go back in time to change things. I now have better perspective into the potentially negative effects of that punishment.
If you’ve been following my writing for a while, you’ll be familiar with my “best of” or “favourite resources” posts. I like to survey my readers and colleagues about twice a year to find the parenting resources they find the most helpful.
Young children first start communicating their needs by making statements like, “I’m hungry,” or, “I was playing with that!” We often jump in to help before realizing that they actually haven’t asked us to do that. If kids receive help without asking for it, they may carry on expecting people to consider and address their needs even though they haven’t communicated those.
Be prepared! Your child might come home after school or daycare and fall apart at your feet. I call this “After School Restraint Collapse.” It’s a thing!
Actually, you might see this in your partner or even yourself. You conduct, orchestrate, produce, think, smile, keep things in your inside brain that you wish you could say out loud, then walk in your front door only to turn into a snarly, crabby person.
Last year at this time, I was gleefully dismissing back-to-school ads, knowing my children were about to enter their first year of homeschooling. I was very happy to not be caught up in the back-to-school fever!
This year I find myself at the opposite end of that feeling: I’m excited and a bit panicked by my new reality -- I’m about to open my own school! What a difference a year makes!
Before I became a parent, I don’t recall anyone telling me that parenting was going to be easy, but I also didn’t hear how incredibly challenging it could be. Even when I feel confident that what I’m doing is best for my children, they don’t always know that it is best for them. In fact, many times they think that I’m are out to ruin their lives. Asking a toddler to take a bath or not letting a child eat cereal for supper, for instance, will sometimes be met with the label of “meanest parent ever.”
Many children respond well to routines, and consistency in parenting can be beneficial for the entire family. Routines provide comfort for parents and children alike, and by applying consistent parenting techniques, children know what to expect when they behave in a certain way.
This past week, a young person I know had an absolute meltdown in front of me. It wasn’t the enraged, flipping out kind but rather the feeling defeated, second best, and unimportant kind. His younger brother was in the same athletic program as him, and for three of the five days they were there, the younger one won a “camper of the day” award.
Having travelled extensively in every province in Canada but Newfoundland (I promise to get there soon!), I can say that Northern Manitoba is one of my favourite places to be, and it’s not just because I grew up there. This location might not be front-of-mind for an adventurous family summer vacation, but I believe it should be!
The benefits of reading to children are widespread and well-known. Many parents spend hours reading to little ones before bedtime and naps. Paging through board books can fill hours on a lazy afternoon.
But as a child learns to read on his or her own, and develops their own reading preferences, many families stop reading together. Sure, the children might still read and the parents may read (if the busyness of raising a family and tending to a household allows), but older children and their parents rarely read the same book together.
Hi – Andrea here! I can hardly believe it, but this is the last video in our parenting series to help reduce toddler tantrums.
In this final episode of the A to Z of Taming Tantrums, I talk about the letter Z and Z is for Zen. When I think of the word “zen” as a parent of toddlers, I’m not referring to a calm, meditative state (although if you can achieve this: that’s amazing!) but rather a state where we feel rested enough to be the parent we want to be.
This is the second last video in our twenty-six video series! This episode of our A to Z of Taming Tantrums program is for the letter Y, and Y is for Yelling (less). When we yell less, our children will too, so this is a win-win endeavour for everyone.
As parents, there are countless demands on our time, energy, and attention. And because we love our children as much as we do, we gladly give our time, energy, and attention to them. Even though we do this, it is important for parents to set boundaries on how much of these valuable personal resources we give away – not just for our own benefit, but for our children’s sake as well.