May
11
2012

Why You Should Probably Buy a Kobo

And Read Harlequin Romances

Why You Should Probably Buy a Kobo

The internet really is a magical place isn't it?

I mean, in no other context would a simple tweet about e-readers turn into a day spent at a Harlequin book cover photoshoot. 

A few weeks ago I was contemplating the purchase of an e-reader. Since I am much more of a researcher than an impulse buyer, I took to all my forms of social media to ask for advice—Facebook, Twitter, blogs—about which one to get. A got a lot of response, which was really unsurprising to me, since my friends and loved ones and readers have opinions that they love to share, and I love to read them! The only problem: I ended up more confused than I was before I asked. 

And then, a lovely purple Kobo showed up at my door. I unwrapped it like it was a Christmas present, immediately plugged it in and started reading. It was the 50 Shades of Grey series, if you really wanted to know. Honestly, I really have zero love for the three books, but greatly appreciated the ability to pull the book out at my daughter's hip hop class without the other mothers knowing how I was spending my Sunday. 

I am absolutely in love with this little machine. It holds almost too many books (...and my wallet and I are currently in a lover's spat), I can buy books whilst still in pajams, it's so small, and I can change the font size to be EXTRA BIG for my almost-mid-thirty-year-old eyes. The only thing missing is a backlight for those nights that I have insomnia and old episodes of Good Times are no longer cutting it. 

Recently, Kobo and Harlequin held a contest. The winner would get to come to Toronto and watch a Harlequin book cover shoot, complete with half-nude models, oil, and a wind blowing machine. When I was asked if I'd like to join, I was pretty much sitting on the front steps of the studio before the folks at Kobo even received my YES! YES! YES! response. Harlequin churns out many, many, many books a month, which means that they need a tremendous amount of covers, and, you know, a tremendous amount of good-looking models who stand around doing push-ups and sit-ups while they wait for make-shifts boats to be built. 

No. Really. 

They took about 500 photos of Ross the model in various poses with Jen the model. It seemed like they were playing a game of how close can my face get to this other person's face before we are touching? And they get paid to play this game. And I thought that I had the very best job in the world.

And then, you guys, before I knew it, it was MY TURN. It was all sort of a blur at this point, but that may have been due to the WIND BLOWING MACHINE or the fact that Ross the model, who was still shirtless, swept me off of my feet, over-the-threshold style. One thing is certainly clear here: I will never be a model. While I was up close and personal with Ross the model's personal space, I was all..

"I'm so sorry if I have coffee breath. If I knew I was going to do this, I would have had some Tic Tacs. And I probably would have worn some lip gloss. And maybe some pants."

"Hey! That's cool. We have the same exact color eyes. Did you know that my eyes used to be blue?"

'So, do I look at you? At the camera? How does one get rid of waddle?"

"So...tell me about your teaching job."

"Wow. You have, like, perfect teeth."

You know, pillow talk. 

So, while we wait to find out if they will use Ali the model's shots on the cover of Some Like It Wicked, I'll leave you with these:

And a very important tip:

You should probably BUY A KOBO.

Because unless Amazon can figure out how I can have dinner with Jon Hamm, I'm pretty sure Kobo wins my heart.

(Disclaimer: I was not paid for this review, but I *was* given a free Kobo touch.)

May
08
2012

At Least I'm Not the Skunk One...

..Who Kills People When She Kisses Them

At Least I'm Not the Skunk One...

FUN FACT:

I used to have blue eyes.

(And really terribly uneven bangs.)

No really. I did. Until I was in 6th grade, my eyes were very clearly blue and then, well, one day they were not anymore.

My eyes are green.

Undeniably green.

Even though I once brought this up very topic with my mother and her response was, "What? Your eyes aren't green! They are grey!" (gray? grey? gray? grey? I never know which is right.) Um. It seems that my mom might be a wee bit color blind.

They are such a huge part of who I am. They are my second favorite body part. They are the reason that my brown hair looks good on me, and the reason my favorite lipstick shade is called plum dandy. With the exception of my father and my sister, I don't know anyone else with our particular shade of green.

As I was going through this whole color-changing Kafkaesque metamorphosis, my chameleon Donnie Wahlberg kicked the bucket. I'm not going to lie. The complete and total irony of this situation was not lost on me, not even a little bit.

Somehow I feel like some sort of fraud.

Also, possibly one of the X-Men.

May
07
2012

These MIGHT Be Dealbreakers

But can we still be friends?

These MIGHT Be Dealbreakers

I don't like potatoes. I mean, I *will* eat french fries, but only under protest. 

I am afraid of pedicures. Not only do I not enjoy having people touch my feet (vomit), I am dealthy afraid of picking up some scary toenail-falling-off disease. Also, I don't like when people talk about me in other languages.

I am not a shoe person. I'm serious. If you offered me a pair of beautiful red-bottomed shoes, I'd probably return them to buy some sweet camera equipment. 

Sometimes I say LITERALLY when I don't actually mean LITERALLY.

I don't think Friends has held up the way Seinfeld has.

I do the Thriller dance. A lot. In public.

I don't understand the appeal of poker.

I don't drink mojitos. Or Fruity-tinis of any kind.

I will steal your cupcake.

I don't like cheesecake.

I love showtunes.

I hate white pants, but would give anything to own a riding outfit. (DO NOT insert a 50 Shades of Grey riding crop joke. Because, well, I REALLY DID NOT LIKE 50 SHADES OF GREY.)

I would probably do dirty things to Sean Penn. And Adrien Brody. But not at the same time.

I am the mother of a 5th grader who says things like this: Hey, Mommy, did Sarah Palin do the voice of Jessie in Toy Story?

I have never eaten Velveeta cheese. Or at Taco Bell.

I never buy my children's school pictures. On principle.

I think that Hope Floats is the very worst movie. Ever. Full stop. 

I will not eat anything that swims. Or swam. Or hung out near the water.

Lester Bangs is a hero of mine. The real one. Although the Philip Seymour Hoffman version is pretty killer too.

I think that "Come on Get Higher" song is ridiculously hot.

I once actually said these words. In front of people who were watching The Karate Kid. “Sweet the lick? is that some sort of weird karate move? That line never made any sense to me. Why does he tell him to sweet the lick?” Holy sweep the leg, Batman! You cannot take me anywhere. I'm such a cream puff. Which, incidentally, is something else I have never had.

So, um, can we still be friends?