No, it's not sleep (though that would be amazing). No it's not a spa day, or time to herself, or help with the laundry, or a perfect bikini body. It's a little more abstract, and a little more ambitious...
But every Mom I know wants this: balance.
Yes, I know. It's like the unicorn of motherhood. That thing we're all striving for even though we know it doesn't really exist. But we're stubborn, and ridiculous, and dammit: we want to have it all! Right?
Moms: This is What it Means to Put Yourself First
Wouldn't it be perfect if we could be at home with our kids just enough that our hearts never felt empty, but also away from our kids just enough that they didn't drive us completely crazy?
Wouldn't it be amazing to work part-time hours but earn full-time wages? Have enough time to go to the gym, but also enough time to bake cookies with our kids and never miss a school recital?
I feel like I'm trying to sell you on a pyramid scheme business here, but shit- I'm really enjoying this fantasy.
*sigh*
And that's just it. Does it have to be a fantasy? Is there a way to make it a reality?
The somewhat stay-at-home-mom who also has an incredibly fulfilling and successful career. Who also has time to make healthy food. And work out. And socialize. And build forts in her living room...
Acheiving Balance: It's Not Just New Age Bullshit
There is a way to do all of this, right? It probably has something to do with cloning, and I'm not very good at science, but I'm sure I could figure it out.
*double sigh*
Well friends, 2015 is the year that I'm jumping into my metaphorical sailboat to brave the sea of motherhood in a search for balance. I want to find a way to have it all. Or at least all-ish. I have some big dreams and some even bigger plans for this year, but I'm also realistic.
Or at least, realistic-ish.
I know I won't accomplish everything on my list. But I'm going to try anyway. The only thing I won't sacrifice along the way - happiness. That is the one thing that must remain a constant while on this quest. Otherwise, it's pointless.
We have a nearly three year-old, and a nearly one year-old. We are knee deep in diapers, laundry, and battery operated toys. Leaving the house for an afternoon requires sippy-cups, toddler snacks, baby snacks, diapers, wipes, outfit-changes, and small travel toys for entertainment. Times two. If we stay overnight anywhere, we look like we're going on a European backpacking adventure.
Our days begin at 5:30am, but I also see the clock at 3:30am, 2:00am, and 12:30am.
Parents: Do Your Sleep Arrangements Look Like This?
Our morning routine no longer includes a slow wake-up with the morning news and a hot cup of coffee. Those days are long gone. Now it's an instant revving of the engines as we try to feed, wrangle, and snuggle everyone. The coffee is warm-ish at best.
We keep looking at one another with tired bags under our eyes, "We should go on a date-night soon." We have the best of intentions. But when 7pm rolls around, our pajamas just look oh-so-tempting, and 5:30am seems to be laughing at us saying "I'm coming for you, bitches!" So we collapse on the couch and watch TV. Sometimes we even rub our legs together in an attempt at affection. It's like foreplay, for crickets.
We try to remember to kiss every day, but sometimes days will pass and I'm not even sure we've made eye contact. Except for when I scowl at him for doing something that's annoying.
He sleeps alone in our king sized bed, and I sleep beside our daughter in her room. It's not sexy, but it's just easier. For everyone.
We keep reminding ourselves that this is just temporary. Our kids are only this young for so long. They'll sleep eventually. We'll sleep eventually. And maybe even beside one another again. In our own bed. Imagine? My husband might even wake up with a boob in his face. But it'll only be because I thought he was the baby and I'm trying to nurse him back to sleep. Old habits die hard.
These are some of the most exhausting years, but we also realize they're some of the best. So we are trying to look past the snot-filled public tantrums and focus on the sweet and tender moments when our nearly 3 year-old says things like, "You're the best. I love you so much."
What To Do When Your Child Has Many Tantrums
We know our relationship is taking a bit of a hit right now, but we talk about it, and we have a plan. We make adjustments, and try to make time for one another. I know we'll get through this time, but there will be some battle scars. Likely in the form of dark circles and deep wrinkles, but you know what?
I wouldn't want to be in the trenches of parenthood with anyone else. And that's the tired, honest truth.
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